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Chrissy
26th November 2012, 18:37
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,

She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)

What he had to say for himself.

The man replied,

'Well your Honour, it was like this:

When the lady got on the bus,

I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said,

'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,

'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,

'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time

And sat under a sign that said,

'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'

... I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

Rory
29th November 2012, 00:42
TWO OF THE YEAR'S BEST COMEBACK RESPONSES*
***
*Number 1:*****

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....***
*
Q:* 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'***
*
A:** 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'*
*
Q:** 'Officer, who provided this description?'**
**
A:** 'The officer who responded to the scene.'**
*
Q:** 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'*
***
A:** 'Yes, sir. With my life.'*
*
Q:** 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'*
*
A:** 'Yes sir, we do!'*
*
Q:** 'And do you have a locker in the room?'***
*
A:** 'Yes, sir, I do.'*
*
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
*
A:** 'Yes, sir.'*
*
Q:** 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'**
*
A:** 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'
*
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line --* and we think he'll win.
*
*
*
Number 2:*
*
Now We Know Why He Was a General* -----*
**
*

In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harboured and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.*
*
His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.*
*
The General said,*"I* believe that forgiving them is God's function... OUR job is to arrange

Rory

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