View Full Version : One for the ladies

18th October 2013, 00:32
Don't laugh ladies, there's nothing funny in this clip,


18th October 2013, 02:06
Oh my god soooooo Funny!! Men! LMAO!

Good one Ray!


19th October 2013, 00:23
Another one ladies, lovey-dovey this time, Hey CC, where are you standing, or were you "doing your stuff"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gol8Eek9VcE blow up, full screen

19th October 2013, 01:07
Lets Dance,......it's not Ballet


19th October 2013, 04:15
Haha Ray, you didn't notice me in Times Square? I'm the one walking next to Batman, just forgot to put on my makeup that day! and was having a bad hair day as well LOL


19th October 2013, 14:25
Great montage of dancing!! Loved the classics!

Another good one Ray!!


21st October 2013, 00:22
> >> A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the Pharmacy,
> >>
> >>
> >> walked up to the Pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,
> >>
> >>
> >> and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide
> > ..
> > ...
> >> The Pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
> >>
> >>
> >> The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
> >>
> >> The Pharmacist's eyes grew big and he explained, "Lord
> >>
> >>
> >> have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband,
> >>
> >>
> >> that's against the law! I'll lose my license!
> >>
> >>
> >> They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
> >>
> >>
> >> Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
> >>
> >>
> >> The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture
> >>
> >>
> >> of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist's wife.
> >>
> >>
> >> The Pharmacist looked at the picture and said,
> >>
> >>
> >> "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
> >>
> >>
> >>

21st October 2013, 00:36

21st October 2013, 02:51
You'll like this one CC, you're blooming in it somewhere????


21st October 2013, 13:26
A bit before my time Ray, but enjoyed seeing the 'Fonz' again from Happy Days! LOL Life certainly seemed so simple back then didn't it?


22nd October 2013, 22:34
A Warning Ladies, about chocolate,


And A Religious Bra?


12th November 2013, 02:56
Are any of you ladies brave as her?


12th November 2013, 13:39
Brave or Nuts? Those cats actually looked scared of her at one point! lol

24th November 2013, 00:15
Ancient Man,


4th December 2013, 00:15
You'll like this one ladies......

The Deaf Wife Problem

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself,

'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

(I just love this)

'For F*-#?? sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

But you'll not like this one............


A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines,
enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.



(What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!)

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of check book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Re-dial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.


4th December 2013, 14:01
LMAO Another good one Ray!

Ranks up there with the 'Bell Ringer' (my personal favorite) Made a copy of that one and brought it to the clinic to the Physicians Lounge had everyone cracking up! I think this one will be going there too!

Hate to admit it, but yep, that sounds like me at the ATM machine! Now I know why they have cameras there, so they can write jokes about us!! lol


20th December 2013, 00:41
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,

'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal,
you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands.
Tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

The wife replied, 'The fu**in' funeral director would be my first guess.


Cheeky Women talk back,

1 He said to me .. . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him .... .. . You wear pants don't you?

2 He said to me ... . .......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart

3 He said to me. . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . .......Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

4 He said to me...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said to him. . .. A widow.

5 He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. ... .. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does
not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to
find his pe**s covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never
having seen anything like this before,
orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got
bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and
almost unheard of here in the US , we know very little about it.' The
man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or
something and fix me up, Doc.' The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure.

We're going to have to amputate your pe**s.' The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not!

I want a second opinion!!!' The doctor replies,
'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option.'
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD.

Vewy ware disease.' The guy says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do?

My American doctor wants to cut off my pe**s!' The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs.

'Stupid American dottah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!'

'Oh, thank God!' the man exclaims.

'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor. 'Wait two week. Fawl off by itself...!'

14th January 2014, 01:10
To Be 8 again!

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ...

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, [content removed]

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

14th January 2014, 09:10
Thanks for welcome laugh to start the dY.

14th January 2014, 10:50
Lol, like that one!

1st February 2014, 00:20
This isn't funny, so no laughing ladies,


A little stress relief,


6th February 2014, 01:10
Have you read this book ladies?


For those who don't believe, no explanation can be given,
For those who believe, no explantion is necessary,


No words are needed,


10th February 2014, 01:45
A magic trick,


So true,


15th February 2014, 03:28
At the Dentists,

A female dentist prepares the needle to give the man with toothache an anaesthetic injection.

"No way! No needles, I hate needles!” the guy said.
So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas and the man objects again.
"I can't do the gas thing either.
The thought of having the gas mask on my face makes me faint!”
She then asks the guy if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection,” the patient says. "I'm fine with pills.”
When she returns she says, "Here's a Viagra and a glass of water.”
The guy says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!”
"It doesn't” she said,

"But it’ll give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth out."
Daddy's Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates, of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home..

But the little girl went to school, eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called, a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching, for a man who wasn't there.

'Where's her daddy at?', She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,' another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day.'

The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back, she slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.

'My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart
I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart'
With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere there in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love, of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud..
'I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.

You see he is a Marine, and died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy, and taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.

'I know you're with me Daddy,' to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her, ... was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.

Bet you liked that one Girls....

21st February 2014, 01:18
Need a laugh,


Walmart Airlines,


Where's your bin,


26th February 2014, 00:40
A good story/read, God lives under the bed,

https://www.dropbox.com/s/j1xqvl8jbe7cra5/Fw%20SPAM%20%20Fwd%20FW%20God%20Lives%20Under%20Th e%20Bed.msg

Some funny questions, good laugh,

https://www.dropbox.com/s/omhk2j1hsotrx72/Fw%20Fwd%20Fw%20Fwd%20Mensa%20Check%20for%20Snowbo und%21.msg

I believe,


5th March 2014, 01:23
Fancy a ride downhill ladies, add a little bit of excitement to your day, no charge,


The mums will relate to this one,




5th April 2014, 01:49
Model Husband,



https://www.dropbox.com/s/w9n7zvhn6j8yw4k/Fw%20Out%20of%20the%20mouths%20of%20babes%20...... .......msg

30th April 2014, 00:35
Men Babysitters,


Out of the mouths of babes,

https://www.dropbox.com/s/w9n7zvhn6j8yw4k/Fw%20Out%20of%20the%20mouths%20of%20babes%20...... .......msg

A Chicken Farmer,


1st May 2014, 00:28
These will make you smile,

https://www.dropbox.com/s/2xbmlpt0opqhil3/Fw%20hese%20will%20make%20you%20smile............. .....msg

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