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caz
12th February 2015, 06:33
Two years ago today I lost my husband to this damn disease.he simply fell asleep but it was a huge shock for me finding him as I had no idea it was going to happen so soon.two years on eldest daughter is due to have her first baby any day so good memories to be made.i plod through each day still not knowing what direction I am to take.he was only 50 which is far too young.i am taking the day off work as there is a lot of backbiting going on at the moment and I seriously don't trust myself to hold back and tell them all to shut the hell up and and bugar off if they don't like it which is not my usual self.life is too short and I try my best to be the peacemaker.think il do some baking and play my music loud to keep occupied.have lost three and a half stone in a year by eating properly and plan to try and go out socially a bit more but we were together 30 years and I think I've forgotten how to be in a group lol.it is getting a bit easier to deal with and I only try to think of the "before" rob and not what he became.i still think of myself as part of a couple and not a single widow.i still wear my rings as well.a neighbour who lost her husband a couple of weeks after me took hers off after a month and said well it's time to move on! I was so shocked.but I suppose every one is different.bit of a ramble I'm afraid but I've been awake for hours and just need to put my thoughts down.lots of hugs for the kids today.i think sometimes they don't talk about rob so I don't get upset !well I'm going to get a coffe and sit in bed having some chocolate then try and get through the day.love as always.caroline xxxx

Tikitiboo?
12th February 2015, 07:15
Dear Caz

My heartfelt sympathies are with you. It must be a very difficult time for you. Whatever people say about 'moving on' - I think you just learn to cope. Your new grandchild will, no doubt, be a joy, and help the process.

I would keep those rings on 'with pride'!

Love
Anna

Terry
12th February 2015, 09:16
Hi Caz;

It just doesn't seem that long ago. It must be extremely hard for you and your family.

Extra big hug from me, love Terry

Davec
12th February 2015, 09:56
Caz

Big hugs, all I have but they are yours

Dave and Sharyn xx

Springtime
12th February 2015, 09:58
Hi Caz, thoughts,are with you today, I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I think when we first lose someone we love we have that initial horrible raw feeling and then slowly comes acceptance and then the memories of happy times come flooding back. Hold on to them Caz as I'm sure there were many for you and Rob. A big hug to you Springtime x

willsandco
12th February 2015, 10:33
Caz. I am so pleased you wrote this post. Of course, today is a very poignant time for you. It is six years since I lost my much loved first husband. I am remarried now but there isn't a day goes by without I think of him. I still have his wedding ring on my right hand. No way would I stop wearing it. If I want to get close to him, I take myself off somewhere quiet and play our special records and cry buckets. It is best you have a day to yourself away from all the pettiness that goes on. You just need to spend some special time, just you and Rob and remember all the happy times you shared. So you go and have a Rob day and you know that so many of us are with you in thought and prayer. Much love Joycie xx

ccinjersey
12th February 2015, 14:22
Beautiful sentiments Caroline, thoughts go out to you and your Rob.

I think the one thing that the loss of our loved ones has taught.. is that life must go on, and we must carry on, just as your Rob would want you to. I believe time is the great helper in the grieving process because nothing else can really make it any easier.

Much love, and many joys still to come Caroline, Big hugs sent your way XOXOXO

CC xox

Nettie B
12th February 2015, 18:38
Oh Caroline. I'm so sorry you are so low but not the slightest bit surprised. Two years is not long. You WILL find life more bearable again. I do hope the new grandchild will be a blessing to you.
You are a lovely lady Caroline. You come into this site despite your loss and help so many other carers and patients. Thank you for all you do for us.
I'm with you about chocolate and music ..... lots of both may lift your spirits and the diet can wait for a while!
Love and lots of hugs ... Nettie X X

berdbrain
12th February 2015, 19:46
How lovely to hear from you Caroline......I read your posts eagerly 2 years ago because my sister was diagnosed after you....you were always so positive and yet you also wrote about how you and Rob felt, very powerfully. It's lovely that new llife is coming into your family but oh how you must miss Rob....yes the Rob from before.
I'm having a G and T at the moment so I'll raise my glass to you, I hope you have a good day of good memories and pampering yourself.....any more parachute jumps on the horizon?
much love and lots of those virtual xxxx es
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooxxxxxxDebbiexx

caz
12th February 2015, 20:31
Gosh,thankyou to everyone who have sent such wonderful messages of support.I have eaten loads of rubbish today but enjoyed every bit of it and will be back on track tomorrow.been with my girls today and knowing the new baby will be here any day is very uplifting.back to work tomorrow and luckily we break up for half term so I can calm down in that time lol.bought myself a virtual walk through the woods which I can play while I'm on my treadmill and will treat myself to a new skirt and a haircut next week.it's weird putting myself first which all you mums out there will understand lol.my aim is to lose another 3 stone so I can fit into the Santa suit for our local hospice walk in December so will keep posting on that and also to continue helping anybody that needs it on the forum .that is very important to me as I had so much support on mine and robs journey fighting this disease.right.got my positive head back on and going for a walk in my virtual wood lol.love as always.carolinexxx

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