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Queenie
19th April 2015, 12:44
As the carer for my hubby I finally feel I made a break through with the stubborn bugger he has point blank refused to go in his wheel chair after only using it once but with tough talking saying people happy to help but must help yourself he relented and went to the pub in it with his mates to watch a gig and it made life so much easier for us all without the stress of him falling, hoping he will now continue, even tho I'm in the dog house today !!!

Jock
19th April 2015, 13:11
I have little time for people in denial that make life harder for their carer/partner.

willsandco
19th April 2015, 13:40
Queenie. I never thought I would ever be in a wheelchair either but, hey ho, I am and we are getting out all over the place now. Sometimes you have to put your inhibitions behind you! Love. Joycie. Xx

Steve
19th April 2015, 17:51
I am with Jock here, how can falling be preferable to a chair?

I go everywhere in mine, it doesn't prevent me doing anything. If an aid makes life easier I am all over it.

Queenie
19th April 2015, 18:24
I would say it's pride rather than denial I can see it's difficult to come terms with when you been so active and he is a drummer and will be shortly playing his last gig, being out and about playing or watching gigs and now you have to change how you do this not fair this disease is so bloody cruel it takes everything from them and there isn't a dam thing we can do!!!

Springtime
19th April 2015, 20:11
My Jim was in denial from beginning to end of MND. He even told the Doctor 2 days before he passed away he hadn't got anything wrong with him. At the time we just explained that Jim had never admitted it.
It's only now after Jims death that I fully understand that It was Jims way to deal with things how he thought best and in his own way.
Yes, as his wife I used to feel upset and isolated but now I see that he died with no panick, no fear, no pain. Completely at ease with everything.
I know and understand this cannot be possible for everybody, but I do, now know denial was right for my Jim.

willsandco
19th April 2015, 20:16
Yes, Spring, I think you are right. I know it caused you so much heartache and, at times, aggravation. He may well have known all the time but, with his condition, he may not have done. What is wonderful, utterly wonderful, is that he wasn't on medication, wasn't panicked and that is so good to hear. I hope you are OK. I know you have friends and family around you which is very comforting. Much love, Joycie xx

Queenie
19th April 2015, 20:31
springtime I was sad to read Jim had passed I don't post much but read daily for info to help us, but my hubby sounds just like your Jim at appointments it's all I'm ok or no need for that I got ages to go etc etc, he threw his toys out the pram when I insisted he saw the Nutrionist for his choking / coughing saying I be ok, denial and stubbornness all the way with hubby even tho I can see the changes he never will he be saying right till the end I'm ok don't worry about me as he does.
At the end of the day call it denial, pride or ignorance even the person who is ill will deal with it how they want to and others will not always agree.

Night walker
19th April 2015, 23:27
Ha!
Mine can beat anyone with stubbornness, hands down. He is rigid with stubbornness, he is a complete armhole at times. He refuses help right,left and centre which means when we are desperate for help, especially with equipment, he has to wait. Sadly his stubborness is not without consequence and we are missing out on making the best of what he can do. Our OT can only do what he agrees so she is as tied as I am. Like Jim I think it is his way of dealing with things so that's the way it is. He was the most easy going man before this, so I figure it's the disease not him.
He was in denial for about 10 months and I think he is now slowly working through the angry bit. He hates seeing anyone and he certainly won't talk about how this disease is gobbling us both up. No Sir, he will say he is dealing with it as he needs to and that he has no choice, then a withering look will be issued. No one knows what to say after that, not exactly a conversation high point. Oh yes my hubby has stubbornness down as a fine art form lol!

Sylv x

JAY TEE
19th April 2015, 23:44
Yes I have held off using a wheelchair but had another fall and will start using it. Off on a cruise on Thursday and will take a scooter and hopefully will get me out and about. I don't think it will get me up to the top of Gibraltar �� luckily my sister lives there so have my own chauffeur ��

Jock
20th April 2015, 09:23
Not being in denial allows you to accept the condition and move on. Moving on frees you to live. I see that as very important when living with MND. I'm not burdened by negativity.

I don't for moment think about any cruelty or unfairness. Each Monday I see a guy with prostrate cancer who is in a great deal of pain and drugged to the eyeball. He has use of all four limbs, but I wouldn't swap places for a moment. Unfair? Well for unfairness I look at 700 drowned in the Med this past weekend.

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