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Thread: My Mother Lost Her Battle.

  1. #1
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    My Mother Lost Her Battle.

    I haven't been on this site since my first post in March 2012. My mother was suffering from MND and was very ill. On June 2nd 2012 she passed away. It was a devastating time for my family, I've never seen my father so broken and my brothers so lost. As hard as it is so believe, we all felt that it was a relief. She was in so much pain that seeing her caused us pain. I love my mother, she was a truly inspiring woman and even up until her final moment she stuck to her beliefs and didn't change for anyone. Knowing that she is no longer suffering is a huge weight off my shoulders, however I now have to deal with the fact that she really is gone. Towards the end of her life I barely recognised her as the woman who had raised me, but more as a frail old woman who has stolen my mothers personality. Everytime I saw her my heart ached because there was absolutely nothing I could do to make her better. Ever since she was diagnosed (4 years ago) I accepted that she would progressively get worse. I would never let myself believe or even think about the possibility of her being 'cured'. The night before she died I wrote a letter, it was a letter to her that I never planned on sending, I begging her to get better, and listing all the things I wanted to do with her, things we had done when I was younger. I cried my eyes out that night after reading what I had written because I knew it was never going to be a reality. A year has past since she left us and I find that I miss her more with each passing day. I almost want to scream out how terribly unfair it was that her life had to end this way, but I know that's pointless. She lived everyday of her life to the full and had no regrets. If I can turn out to be half the woman she was I'll be happy. I just wish I could get over that fact that she really is gone.

  2. #2
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    This is from your heart Here's Hoping, I can feel your love through your e mail..Logic doesn't really come into grief, so now that you are at the 1 year anniversary it is still so painful for you. Gillian Lynne the 'Cats' choreographer, dedicated so much to her mum who dies very young and whom Gillian missed/misses so much. Keep remembering and keep being open to the affect your grief has on you, there's nothing wrong with crying, but you must live your live as you feel your mum would have wanted you to life it, don't get too depressed talk to a counsellor if necessary and make you mum proud of you
    with love, my trademark on her are kisses and they are not physical they are a spiritual sign that I am thinking of you
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXDebbieXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXx

  3. #3
    Forum Member john's Avatar
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    Hi here's hoping,

    I know exactly your feelings. My wife died in March 2012 at 59. It still seems so unjust after a lifetime of work and an expectation of retirement everything is snatched away and none of the plans get to be fulfilled just like your wish list. I can only share your feelings, I have no answers. Time heals nothing but it does enable us to deal more rationally with the memories. Try and forget the person you didn't recognise and concentrate on the good times before. Treasure those and talk about them with the family who are all still in shock just like you.
    I still have to hold back tears at times and I don't suppose I will ever understand the reality of her premature and unreal departure. I do believe it is permanent and I will never see ,hear or touch her again in this life . Whether there is a next life I do not know but I struggle with the logistics of it if there is.

    Hang onto and cherish every shared happy moment you had together and remember how fortunate you were to have the times you had together.

    God bless.

    John

  4. #4
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    Such wise words John, as always, .... I woke up this morning with tears from my eyes running across my check towards my ear... and then I had to laugh because there's a country and western song with the title: 'I've got tears in my ears from lying on the bed and crying over you' !!!
    take care
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXDebbieXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  5. #5
    Forum Member john's Avatar
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    Is this the one.

    http://youtu.be/dgkGvgfUIos

    John

  6. #6
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    Hah, that is indeed the one......thanks John
    XXXDebbieXXX

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