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Thread: Sad & very angry

  1. #1
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    Sad & very angry

    Hi

    Was sitting in my backyard this morning having a cup of coffee and reflecting on my dear friend. As I was holding my coffee cup it made me realize how she can no longer hold her cup. Also realizing how all the simple little things that were never given thought, and taken for granted are slowly and viciously being taken away from her. I started crying.

    I starting thinking about the bigger losses as well, she is still young, but can no longer get in her car and take a drive by herself, or take long walks together, and talk, something both loved to do. Worse speech is going. She struggles thru a conversation now. We could easily chat an hour on the phone, calling each other every other day, now I find those calls are coming less and less, and Iím not wanting to initiate the call for concern itís going to be to difficult for her to get thru. Before this illness we talked about everything under the sun, and our daily lives, now I feel guilty to talk to her about my issues because in comparison to what she is experiencing, they are so insignificant. Iím so furious and enraged at this illness for stealing all that she should still have, and invading our friendship.

    I have been around enough to know life is not fair, and can be extremely unkind, but really struggling with this one. Not sure what to say sometimes, and worse not sure what I should, and can do to help? Will never ever leave her side, this I know for sure. Itís empowering to know at least thatís one thing this monster can never take, but all the stuff in between IĎm clueless, I guess it will have to be just one day at a time now.

    Making a big pot of homemade vegetable soup. Lots of garlic, beef broth tons of vegetables, and being Italian have to throw in some tortellini! Bringing a big container over to her, she loves this soup! Will stop off at bakery get of loaf of fresh hot Italian bread (of course), for dipping in the broth! She loves this too at least this makes me feel like Iím doing something, as small as it may be.

    For all of you suffering each and every day, God bless you, and give you courage and strength. A good friend of mine belongs to a prayer group, they pray collectively weekly for all those in need of a prayer. I asker her to put this dear forum on their list, she told me absolutely, thoughts and prayers go out to you.

    Having a bad moment Thanks for listening
    Love
    CCxx
    .

  2. #2
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    You are allowed to vent your anger here. This is such a positive site that it is sometimes hard to release feelings about how tragic it all is. Sometimes I think the problem solving and conflict with agencies keep me distracted from the pity of it all. Hope you regain all the equilibrium you need.
    Magic

  3. #3
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    On the speech side I would avoid the phone as the lack of visible clues makes understanding me more difficult. I prefer "talking" face to face.
    I think it's great all the things you are doing, a true friend for your friend

    Arthur
    Smile they said "Life could be Worse", so I did and it was

  4. #4
    Forum Member Rory's Avatar
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    CC

    It hurts all of us to think of the things we used to do normally and the things we loved to do for our enjoyment but with carers and loved ones like yourself we manage and adapt - your support is inspirational !
    Now turning to the soup - you have started me dribbling again !

    Cheers.
    Rory
    X
    New Year's resolution -not to get MND again !

  5. #5
    Forum Member pete's Avatar
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    Hi CC,

    We all have those days, hope you feel better soon.

    PeteXX
    All I need is a miracle

  6. #6
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    Hi cc just want to send you lots of hugs.it is the everyday things we take for granted that is hardest to watch someone lose but i used to think okay rob cant do that so i will find another way round it.extra long straws,lower door handles etc i challenged the whole thing and wouldnt give up trying to make things more comfortable for rob.it wasnt until he fell and fractured his shoulder we had carers in as he was a very private dignified man .we were both pretty stubborn.one of our members uses skype to "talk" with her daughter.her daughter speaks to her and then she replies by typing.maybe this could be a solution?lots of love.caroline xxxxx

  7. #7
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    Thank you all for the words of support, so helpful, and very much needed today.

    So nice to have you back Rory, but you are the one who is inspirational ! Haha yes soup delicious, if only you lived a little closer would bring you over a big pot of it myself !

    Much Love
    CCxx
    .

  8. #8
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    I hope my special XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX will help CC. It is very difficult and of course you get down days.....you know what you must do....go and give her a little' face' time as often as you can, I did that but I felt I should have done more.....when Lynne gave me her supply of luxury rubber gloves and told me to get on with the housework,,,,,,I used to text and say please can I come over now, I'm fed up with housework!!!
    There's not a Friday goes by that I don't think I wish I was going over there for her to make me the special cappucino that only she could make perfectly for me. The long walks are hard to have to give up, I know my sister missed them because she loved them so much, but then we had to be content with walking 'round the garden, or going to the supermarket, so you adapt.
    I also made the stewed apples with the best thickest cream you can buy and she loved that.....so I'm sure you may have thought of that already but that's nice too.
    Arthur is right about the phone.....at the best of times I'm not great on the phone, I prefer face to face talking, nothing to do with MND!
    Anyhow you are a wonderful person, and your stories and use of language to describe events to us, show us what a lovely friend you are.
    keep on keeping on.......
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXDebbieXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX and huge hugs OOOOOO

  9. #9
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    XXXXXX Thanks Debbie for the extra hugs & kisses X XXXXXXX Do plan to keep on keeping on!! Better day today, sun is shining not to hot, even better 'face to face' time was the best time! Sitting and talking was wonderful even more so watching her enjoy her soup! I'm still missing our long phone chats, but that's just selfish of me, I have to 'adapt' which is the key word many of you have said. Certainly if my dear friend can manage and adapt, I most certainly can as well.

    Stewed apples with cream....sounds delicious! never had it, will look up the recipe!

    Thank you all again
    CCxxx
    .

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