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Thread: "Friends?"

  1. #1
    Crazy girl
    Guest

    "Friends?"

    I know this is going to be a vey personal thread but.......everyone is so helpful on here and I really wondered how others respond to the situation if they have it.

    'friends' - some come and in and out of your life and I understand that in life it's rare to find people who stick by you thick and thin. I have a small number of who I can call genuine friends who I can trust, rely on and I couldn't do without.

    Then there are others who you thought would be there for you and have proved that they really aren't........but they still text you every 6 months or so....asking how are you all? Using the cliched words....if there is ever anything we can do for you please ask........thinking of you etc etc

    And how on earth do others react?

    I want to say, actually things are worse than you can imagine and if you had kept in touch with my husband over the last 18 months since dx then you would know that......Perhaps you might want to make an effort to see him before it's too late.....

    But I live in a small town, these are people my husband has known all his life, it would be deemed impolite to say that in this welsh community.....so should I just say we are all fine, thx for your message, yes be lovely to catch up sometime!

    Aaarrrgggghhhhh!!!

    Tracy

  2. #2
    Bels
    Guest
    Hi Tracy,

    I know exactly what you mean. My Dad cares for my Mum full time and feels that some of their friends/family don't have a clue what the actual situation is because they are not there enough. A couple who have known my Mum and Dad for years have really come up short since my Mum's diagnosis. Two visits ago my Dad was ranting about them, which is very unusual, about how he wanted them to come and provide Mum with some company. Last visit Mum was crying about it as she couldn't understand what they are doing.

    On the flip side of this i would say that some of their other friends have been brilliant, knowing that we could really count on them.

    I don't understand the ones who have let them down and like you want to have a go at them but Mum and Dad don't wan t that which I can understand.

    So at the minute I am trying to be more grateful for the fantastic ones!

    Definitely worth the odd rant though.

    Belsx

  3. #3
    Cath51
    Guest
    Friends have not been the problem, in fact a couple of Mic's mates of old have come out of the woodwork to offer support and company for him while I am out at work.

    Now family are a whole different ball game his brother & sister-in-law travelled from France via visiting his nephew in London to visit their Mum who is in a care home (which we organised for her after her hospital stay) so they were actually within half a mile of our house and did not get in touch, not even a phone call - I personally don't give a flying s***e but he was very upset as he had not seen his brother since he moved to France after their Dad died. His older sister has only been once since their Dad died and not really bothered with phone calls since his Dx. The younger of his two sisters is the only one to have bothered, she came to help sort out the care home and came at Christmas for a visit. Rant over :-)

  4. #4
    G60dubber
    Guest
    great post Tracey, this rings true for so many of us!!

    Playing devils advocate, these 'friends n family' love or like us so much that they can't face seeing us in such a degrading state and find it hard to handle and would rather think of us as they knew us before..........

    What is the worst are the ones who promise to come see you soon but always find an excuse at the last minute and feel a how are you text is sufficient. If they do eventually turn up after months of promises, decorum dictates that you smile and pretend it's fine and that we really are all fine.

  5. #5
    john
    Guest
    Tracy,

    We all have it, the ones you think are the ones you can rely on are not there and the unexpected are. We have a next door neighbour who we moved in next to 15 months ago who came straight round and volunteered help and calls weekly to read to Irene and friends we have known for 30 or 40 years who never come near.

    I'm with Ade above, a lot of them prefer to have the memories as if Irene has died ,but others are always coming but never seem to arrive at the door . Why bother saying you are coming?

    This is the problem with human beings I suppose. Fortunately we have enough of the people who do show up to not miss the others and some days I return home to find we are running a cafe and I struggle to find a seat. I like those days and hope I will have the good sense to be supportive if the tables are turned.

    John

  6. #6
    Robert
    Guest
    I think those that say they would like to remember us as we were are using it as an escuse not to come as they can't really be bothered.
    Theres an old saying that says YOU CAN COUNT YOUR TRUE FRIENDS ON ONE HAND so consider yourself very lucky if you can TRULY say you have more Bob.

  7. #7
    Rachelg
    Guest
    Yep Tracy - this seems like something we all go through. Some of the friends who I thought would be with us through thick and thin just havent been there. Others have been solid. Some so called good friends turned up the other day after toooo long armed with excuses of colds that they didn't want to risk passing on to Mark - blimey a 3 month solid cold!!!!!!!!!! The bit I hate is when they say "and how are you coping" with tilted heads - so patronising. On the other hand another couple of our friends visit or call weekly, if they're in the supermarket I get text asking if we need anything, they take our car out for a run to make sure the battery stays charged etc.

    It used to really bother me but now I think its their loss so tough luck to them.

  8. #8
    Forum Member Jeannie's Avatar
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    Dec 2010
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    Forgot what a friend is so had to look it up

    friend
    n.
    1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
    2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
    3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
    4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
    5. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.
    Best wishes

    Jeannie

    Please donate and share forever grateful xx Please see the link https://www.gofundme.com/83tq5j-help..._co_campmgmt_w
    ______________________________________
    ALS onset June 2000, dxed July 2001, I am 40 yrs old.
    Living and loving everyday regardless of ALS although I do have my down days.
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  9. #9
    Batty
    Guest
    "Friends" They must be the people who cross the road when they see me coming as they cannot handle the situation.
    Regards Mark

  10. #10
    Robert
    Guest
    when friends ring or turn up and say "How are you" I know they are just being polite so I avoid going into one and telling them the ins and outs of a nanny goats arse, as they don't really wanna know, so I just say" I'm ok thanks" as cheerfully as poss. and ask how they are. Regs Bob

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