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Thread: Last night's documentary on BBC 2

  1. #21
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    I am sorry if I have raised a difficult subject for some people.
    I am so glad that some people got something from the documentary that I didnt. I wouldnt want people to feel how I did after watching it all.
    Freesia x

  2. #22
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    Hi Creme egg. You mention many things in your post so why don't you start by tackling just 2 things. You say he's lost the ability to take in food or drink so does he have a feeding tube ( Maybe I missed that) if not fatten him up with 5 Ensures a day) next make sure you have 2 handrails on the stairs, if not walk IN FRONT of him so you can dial 999. Tell him Dude said to man up for you & the kids. Dude x

  3. #23
    Forum Member Dave K's Avatar
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    I totally agree with the DIGNITAS option but only for me and me alone...

    Selfish, yes, for my wife, absolutely not... So why is it OK for me but not for my wife?.. Because I am able to make the decision before I am unable to make that decision... I hope that this makes sense.

    However, again, I could not watch a program such as the one being discussed here on this thread, not because I do not agree with it, I have stated already that I agree with assisted 'end of life'... It is because what it is we (Julie & myself) are going though, Julie is now unable to make that decision and myself that would NEVER support her decision even if I agreed initially.

    Sounds daft, probably, OK for me but not OK for my wife...

    I think it has to be discussed between partners / spouses / families well in advance and even then when it comes to the actual decision it will never be a he said / she said affair.

    I know that my Children would sit and listen to me when I am telling them 'this is what I want' but I think it is selfish to expect them to go through with it, heck I am their Dad, as with Julie, she is my wife, I want her to be 'breathing' for as long as she can...

    So, am I being hypocritical, am I doing something that I agreed too (I have not agreed to anything) or am I confused with the whole process even though it is what I want...

    It is a minefield and only the family can say whether it is right or not.... Mind you there is always the 'One' in every family.

    So, did I watch it? NO, did I know it was on? NO, would I watch it if I were not in my situation? YES, could I watch it today? NO.

    Dave X

  4. #24
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    Goodbyes are hard enough, end of life goodbyes are unbearable…to much pain on the heart and soul.

    I think when your loved has had enough, and cannot bear any more suffering or pain, and wants to be released from it, it’s time to step back, and let them go, respect what they need, and give them the dignity, and peace they so deserve.

    No one said it’s going to be easy for the loved ones left to continue, or come to terms with the decision made.

    I rarely ever see things in black and white, but this issue is clear to me, just wish we all had the option to go when we need too.

    xox
    .

  5. #25
    Forum Member Dave K's Avatar
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    I totally agree with you up to the point of actually understanding if this is the correct decision at the time of going through with assisted suicide.

    Take my Julie for instance, She may have said to me years ago that if she is in a position as she is in right now (FTD + MND) then she would like to end her life for the sake of her dignity and for the heartbreak that it may do to the family....

    The problem I have, in our unique case, is she may have given this instruction (she didn't by the way) to end her life when she got to this point which she has already reached but now if I asked her (I won't) she will now say NEVER... NO WAY...

    Julie although seriously afflicted with her Dementia, more so than her MND/ALS (right now anyway) has changed her entire thinking as to Julie she has no problem, she does not have MND or FTD, she is not loosing weight, she does not have a swallowing or speech problem. Julie wakes up everyday thinking that she could run a mile, do the chores, eat a normal breakfast and has the memory of an elephant...

    The last statement is from my thinking as when Julie wakes up, yes it is another day but she does not think about her MND or FTD, has no worries at all, nothing, it's all gone. The first thing to come out of her mouth every morning is "I'm going for a wee, OK" and that's all Julie worries about.

    Therefore, Julie may be at the point where if she did say to me, "I don't want to live when I get to a certain point" but when that point is reached she is still happy and without a care in the World, then what?

    If I follow her request is this right, no of course it is not, I failed as a husband to follow through her wishes... Am I bad, no I'm not as I have to make the important decisions for her now, even life and death ones...

    So, that's my take on this very controversial subject... If I had a penny for each time I heard folk say with regards to having dementia and switching me off I would be sitting here quite happy. It is OK saying it when in sound mind and body but when there is eventually a mental or neurological problem, the very problem that the sufferer did not want to go through, then what... This is a very grey area indeed, there is no definitive black and white now.

    However, if I had cancer, diagnosed as inoperable and it was going to be very long and painful road then yes I would probably think about it but would I actually go through with it... NO WAY, it is not for me, I would rather be in pain, drugged to relieve the pain and let nature take it's own inevitable course.

    Dave X

  6. #26
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    A comment has been made by two people that 'If I didn't have kids, then I would go'.

    As a person with no kids, I find that sentiment totally unacceptable. It demonstrates to me how lacking some people are.

  7. #27
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    I think that the fact that you have to go abroad means that you have to make the arrangements before you might otherwise want to do, probably explains why so few people do go and go before they need to. I'm not ready.

  8. #28
    Forum Member Dude's Avatar
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    Graham Can you elaborate on 'sentiment totally unacceptable' & in what way they are lacking. It's all down to choice. You decided to have no kids. That was your choice. Dude.

  9. #29
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    Dude, Simon did the 'honourable' thing by not burdening his family with having to care for him and his family would benefit from cash payouts from insurance and pension schemes. As we know the costs of care are considerable and will ruin most families, wet rooms, through floor lifts and then decommissioning costs.

    I, like you are way more advanced than Simon, probably five years. The sentiment is that people without kids are more worthy of assisted suicide than those with kids. The sentiment was very explicit.

    For the reasons above in paragraph 1, there is more honour in assisted suicide for people WITH kids, but I would not be so insensitive to make that point.

    Regards

    Graham

  10. #30
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    Graham I must have missed the bit about the pension and insurance.. The guy was minted so thru floor lifts etc would be pennies to him. I don't think there's any difference for people with or without kids. It's 6 of one and half dozen. Dude

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