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Thread: Feeling down

  1. #1
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    Feeling down

    Hi I don't where else to go for advise. The problem I'm sure is not unusual , but me and my partner are not getting on well .We have always had different opinions , and before I was ill I did everything from doing all the cleaning ,cooking and all household chores , and organising holidays workmen etc. Now my partner does the laundry and evening meal and works full time . If I give him advice about anything or suggest easier way to do anything he thinks I'm criticising him and gets very angry ,and says he is doing his best . I know he is and tell him and thank him every day. I tell him I have still have a brain and want to have a say in things and be involved in things ,but he thinks I just want it doing my way. He has never been able to handle stress and there is a lot of stress at work too. I do worry how we are going to be when things get worse as I feel like a burden now ! I know we are both terribly frustrated
    I understand MND is stressful but finding it hard to keep positive at the moment ,which I usually am . Sorry for the long post but I feel better for sharing it !
    Love and best wishes

  2. #2
    Forum Member Terry's Avatar
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    Hi Raymond;

    I understand your frustration as to a certain extent it is very similar to me and my wife.

    You could maybe see about some counselling together or separately. Hospices quite often do that as well as many other things to help you live better. Your doctor might also help you with counselling.

    Love Terry
    TB once said that "The forum is still the best source for friendship and information."

    It will only remain so if new people post and keep us updated on things that work or don't work and tips.

    Please post on old threads that are of use so that others see them and feel free to start new subjects and threads.

  3. #3
    Forum Member Barry52's Avatar
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    Hi Chris,

    I’m sorry you are feeling low currently and at least you can express your concerns here without fear of judgment. As you have said living with MND puts a huge strain on a relationship and especially when the day to day roles are reversed. Caring for someone like us, living with the disease must test ones patience and the fact that we all have a different way of doing things is often the reason for resentment when offered advice. I have learned it’s best to say nothing other than thank you.
    Is it possible to lighten the load on your partner? I have found that employing a cleaner and someone to do the ironing is helpful. Maybe you would qualify for a part time carer from social services. Ask your OT.

    Best wishes,
    Barry
    Iím going to do this even if it kills me!

  4. #4
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    Thanks Terry and Barry
    We are going to family counselling with my daughter and partner at the hospice at the end of the month ,and I do have a cleaner who comes in every couple of weeks .I suppose we will get more used as time goes on it's only been 4 months .Sometimes it's just so frightening

  5. #5
    Forum Member Ellie's Avatar
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    Hi Chris,

    I'm sorry you're both struggling so much, it wouldn't be normal to sail through such an upheaval without repercussion. Many of us (including me) find the dynamic of the relationship changes, so I'm glad you're all having counselling - bottling up emotions just builds resentment, which can spiral downwards.

    As with any disagreement, it's best to try to clear the air (ignoring the fact you've MND as much as you can) and for you both to talk. Of course, that's in an ideal world - my husband wouldn't talk of his emotions even with a gun to his head!!

    Don't underestimate the stress he's under and how sad he is too about your diagnosis. I think we all feel like a burden from time to time, that's why it's best to at least attempt to have open and honest communication.

    Hang in there.
    Love Ellie.
    ​Diagnosed 03/2007. Sporadic Definite ALS/MND Limb Onset.

  6. #6
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    Hi Ellie
    Thank you for your words of wisdom .what would I do without this forum to vent anger and frustration on ! I am feeling a lot better today we did have a good talk last night and he said he was sorry for his anger towards me . That made me smile when you said about your husband, not talking about emotions with a gun to his head ! My partner is just the same ,how he will cope at the counselling session I do not know .
    I have only been diagnosed four months although struggling all last year ,so it is early days for us .
    Once again thanks to all for taking the time to listen and reply to me ,it certainly helps
    Love Chris

  7. #7
    Forum Member Newbie17's Avatar
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    Snap, ladies. You've just described my hubby!
    I think it's a man thing. We ladies tend to be more open and talk more!��

  8. #8
    Forum Member Ellie's Avatar
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    Yes I think it's mainly a male other-half thing (though some women partners do struggle too) - the need to be hard and strong, that's why I think it's so hard for them to A) cope B) open up C) realise they can't protect us or help us as "they're meant to".

    It has to be very hard to see one's life partner progress before their eyes.

    Keep strong!

    Love Ellie.
    ​Diagnosed 03/2007. Sporadic Definite ALS/MND Limb Onset.

  9. #9
    Forum Member Pinkelle's Avatar
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    I echo everyones thoughts on this. I too find it hard the fact that my husband has had to take over all the jobs I used to do. It is very frustrating for both of us as I feel bad he has to do it as he still works full time. We have just started getting a cleaner in every two weeks and that has really helped. It is very early days for you and there are many emotions floating around for both of you. X

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