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Thread: Apparently I am a f****** idiot

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  1. #1
    Forum Member Boiler68's Avatar
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    Apparently I am a f****** idiot

    Yes that's what I have to deal with. This is the second time in 24 hours I have been called this. My crime? The first yesterday was because I dared to suggest that we drop a large parcel off at the Hermes depot before picking up a friend to make more room in the car and the second misdemeanour was about an hour ago whilst helping him with an important email and I didn't understand what he was asking me to type!
    The post from Penwiggle about her friend not being appreciative rings so true but this abuse is bringing me down. I no longer want to be his wife or his carer because he is so nasty to me. Sarcastic and downright nasty - on a regular basis. I just said to him that one of these days if he carries on I will go. He said, 'F****** go then!"
    He's gone to bed now to watch TV. After he's had help going to the loo, brushing his teeth, hair combed and made comfortable whilst I'm here typing this. I have to be up at 6.45am to start all over again. So very fed up with it all.

    Boiler

  2. #2
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    Hi Boiler. I can completely understand what you say. The thing that helped me with this is the realisation that MND can affect peoples' behaviour. So sometimes my Dad would be so cross and angry and I came to realise this was the MBD not him. He also had bad days which were completely understandable with everything he's going through. We take it put on the ones we l9ve I guess. I completely understand what you're saying. X

  3. #3
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    Mbd = mnd

  4. #4
    Forum Member Tim-griffiths's Avatar
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    Hi boiler.
    I'm a carer to my wife and a lot of what she comes out with puts me in a similar situation as yourself, I look at it this way, that it's the frustration and trying to push you away in the hope that it will save you some hurt, just keep doing all you can.
    Best wishes
    Tim and Mary

  5. #5
    Forum Member Terry's Avatar
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    Hi Boiler;

    You don't deserve that and shouldn't take it.

    I do get uptight, so does my wife, mainly over communication problems. So we do get angry with each other a bit but I know that I have to back down or keep quite to keep her sane.

    Life is hard for both of you and frustrating. Sometimes Mnd can make people extra aggressive, both verbally and physically but I don't know if there's a in between. Maybe a SSRI antidepressant drug would curb his feelings but best to speak to his specialist if you think that there is a problem in that area.

    Feel for you, Hugs Terry

  6. #6
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    Hi Boiler
    Yes, Terry is right. We have the same here. I am very often temporarily 'useless' (more smiley faces here). Previously I have been temporarily ...useless on a number of occasions too (plenty more smiley faces here too). This is the nature of the beast. Talk to your nearest MND centre and ask for something to take the edges off things for your husband. Mine has Citalopram. Things aren't perfect but it will help to stop you walking out.
    Best wishes
    Fru xx

  7. #7
    Forum Member Boiler68's Avatar
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    Sorry to be so negative but I'm so tired I can barely see straight. I do make allowances for the possibility that it is MND related and hold my tongue most times, especially if our children are around. It's definitely time to speak to someone about it. You tend to give yourself a talking to and muddle through but I don't know how much more I can take. He never apologises for his language or the things he says which if he did, maybe I could deal with it better. Anyway, time to get the tea on. Thanks for your support all x

  8. #8
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    Same Sitution

    Hi Boiler, I have never posted on here before but reading your posts has compelled me to reach out to you. We are in a very similar situation. My husband was diagnosed 16 months ago. He refuses to see anyone in the medical arena as he would like us to look at him healing. He is incredibly angry and speaks to me exactly the same way your husband speaks to you. We have 3 young children who he has also upset and he has pretty much opted out of family life. He believes that he gave everything to the family and now he needs to focus on himself only. I am running a business, looking after the children and trying to support him which is hard when he is so verbally abusive and angry. I have spoken independently to the MND team and they tell me this could be cognitive but we have no way of knowing so I try and separate him from the disease... however... I am now scared of saying the wrong thing all the time that I now barely say anything... Like you I find it mentally exhausting and I struggle between how much I should take but I know if I say something it will just make him angry again. My parents struggle to see him talk to me the way he does and he knows he has isolated himself. I don't know what to do and I am worried about my capacity to stay strong and rise above it. He says that no one knows how he feels and that this is happening to him and not to me... The sad thing is that this is not what it was like before the diagnosis.... I just wanted to say that I know in some ways how hard this is for you. You are doing a great! it may not feel that way but you really are.. try and stay strong... maybe you and your daughter could have a spa day together and work out how to get some additional time to yourself x

  9. #9
    Forum Member Boiler68's Avatar
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    Hi Believe

    I tried to send you a private message but it won't send.
    Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you too and I wish you and your family a very happy, peaceful Christmas.
    Best wishes, Boiler xx

  10. #10
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    Hi Boiler,

    I tried to do the same (send message), I am not sure how to do this... I think I have added you as a contact or sent a friend request maybe that will work? glad your xmas was a bit better x

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