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Thread: Apparently I am a f****** idiot

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  1. #1
    Forum Member Boiler68's Avatar
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    Apparently I am a f****** idiot

    Yes that's what I have to deal with. This is the second time in 24 hours I have been called this. My crime? The first yesterday was because I dared to suggest that we drop a large parcel off at the Hermes depot before picking up a friend to make more room in the car and the second misdemeanour was about an hour ago whilst helping him with an important email and I didn't understand what he was asking me to type!
    The post from Penwiggle about her friend not being appreciative rings so true but this abuse is bringing me down. I no longer want to be his wife or his carer because he is so nasty to me. Sarcastic and downright nasty - on a regular basis. I just said to him that one of these days if he carries on I will go. He said, 'F****** go then!"
    He's gone to bed now to watch TV. After he's had help going to the loo, brushing his teeth, hair combed and made comfortable whilst I'm here typing this. I have to be up at 6.45am to start all over again. So very fed up with it all.

    Boiler

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    Hi Boiler. I can completely understand what you say. The thing that helped me with this is the realisation that MND can affect peoples' behaviour. So sometimes my Dad would be so cross and angry and I came to realise this was the MBD not him. He also had bad days which were completely understandable with everything he's going through. We take it put on the ones we l9ve I guess. I completely understand what you're saying. X

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    Mbd = mnd

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    Forum Member Tim-griffiths's Avatar
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    Hi boiler.
    I'm a carer to my wife and a lot of what she comes out with puts me in a similar situation as yourself, I look at it this way, that it's the frustration and trying to push you away in the hope that it will save you some hurt, just keep doing all you can.
    Best wishes
    Tim and Mary

  5. #5
    Forum Member Terry's Avatar
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    Hi Boiler;

    You don't deserve that and shouldn't take it.

    I do get uptight, so does my wife, mainly over communication problems. So we do get angry with each other a bit but I know that I have to back down or keep quite to keep her sane.

    Life is hard for both of you and frustrating. Sometimes Mnd can make people extra aggressive, both verbally and physically but I don't know if there's a in between. Maybe a SSRI antidepressant drug would curb his feelings but best to speak to his specialist if you think that there is a problem in that area.

    Feel for you, Hugs Terry

  6. #6
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    Hi Boiler
    Yes, Terry is right. We have the same here. I am very often temporarily 'useless' (more smiley faces here). Previously I have been temporarily ...useless on a number of occasions too (plenty more smiley faces here too). This is the nature of the beast. Talk to your nearest MND centre and ask for something to take the edges off things for your husband. Mine has Citalopram. Things aren't perfect but it will help to stop you walking out.
    Best wishes
    Fru xx

  7. #7
    Forum Member Boiler68's Avatar
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    Sorry to be so negative but I'm so tired I can barely see straight. I do make allowances for the possibility that it is MND related and hold my tongue most times, especially if our children are around. It's definitely time to speak to someone about it. You tend to give yourself a talking to and muddle through but I don't know how much more I can take. He never apologises for his language or the things he says which if he did, maybe I could deal with it better. Anyway, time to get the tea on. Thanks for your support all x

  8. #8
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    Hi Boiler,
    After reading this I had to reply. I am in the same position but my husband has familial als so Iíve been a carer for the last three years, since his symptoms worsened and he became completely dependant with no let up and I totally feel like when heís nasty and unappreciative , I just want to leave him and move on with the kids! But I canít as who would look after him! As my husband will more than likely need the same level of care for a many number of years Iím struggling to cope with this prospect. As we run our own business it means weíre still working and Iím with him 24/7! The only advice I can give is that you try to book some sort of care (try to do fun things with friends)! Maybe even an anti depressant just to take the edge off your feelings.
    Keep positive! You are a fantastic person for doing all that you do.

  9. #9
    Forum Member Boiler68's Avatar
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    Hi Becky

    I'm sorry to hear you are in a similar situation. My husband has nobody else who would step up to take care of him either (I would not want for any of our children to take this on full time as their lives are just starting really) and a care/nursing home is just not an option. I don't want to sound like Florence Nightingale but I know in my heart of hearts I could not abandon him. I completely understand that you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of years of caring. We are 10 years + in on this and it is very, very difficult at times. Sounds like I'm always moaning about him. But it's not all bad. We've actually had a decent, quiet Christmas. It's the uncertainty of when it will all blow up again. I hope you take comfort in knowing you are not on your own. I have had so much support from people on here; from others carers and from those actually with an MND. Having heard from others on here (not from my husband as he never says much about his own MND) about the frustration and keeping quiet themselves about their feelings on their MND because they do not want to burden their partners any more than necessary is just as saddening. I think the best we can do is try to enjoy the happy times even though they may be less frequent than before. I am thinking of anti-depressants actually (hate the thought of it as I've been there before after the birth of one of our girls) to see if it helps me cope. I think both of us will miss our youngest terribly when she goes to uni but we do have another of our girls home from the ships at the moment. She's actually debating whether or not to go back at all because one of her friends went overboard a few weeks ago and was deemed 'lost at sea' and the young man in the news this week who went overboard in Puerto Rico was also known to her. It puts my woes into perspective right now seeing her grieving and I am secretly hoping she doesn't go back. Anyway, hang in there Becky..keep looking in and offload if you need to. It does help.

    Best wishes,
    Boiler x

  10. #10
    Forum Member Boiler68's Avatar
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    Hi Believe

    I tried to send you a private message but it won't send.
    Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you too and I wish you and your family a very happy, peaceful Christmas.
    Best wishes, Boiler xx

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