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Thread: Apparently I am a f****** idiot

  1. #1
    Forum Member Boiler68's Avatar
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    Apparently I am a f****** idiot

    Yes that's what I have to deal with. This is the second time in 24 hours I have been called this. My crime? The first yesterday was because I dared to suggest that we drop a large parcel off at the Hermes depot before picking up a friend to make more room in the car and the second misdemeanour was about an hour ago whilst helping him with an important email and I didn't understand what he was asking me to type!
    The post from Penwiggle about her friend not being appreciative rings so true but this abuse is bringing me down. I no longer want to be his wife or his carer because he is so nasty to me. Sarcastic and downright nasty - on a regular basis. I just said to him that one of these days if he carries on I will go. He said, 'F****** go then!"
    He's gone to bed now to watch TV. After he's had help going to the loo, brushing his teeth, hair combed and made comfortable whilst I'm here typing this. I have to be up at 6.45am to start all over again. So very fed up with it all.

    Boiler

  2. #2
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    Hi Boiler. I can completely understand what you say. The thing that helped me with this is the realisation that MND can affect peoples' behaviour. So sometimes my Dad would be so cross and angry and I came to realise this was the MBD not him. He also had bad days which were completely understandable with everything he's going through. We take it put on the ones we l9ve I guess. I completely understand what you're saying. X

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    Mbd = mnd

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    Forum Member Tim-griffiths's Avatar
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    Hi boiler.
    I'm a carer to my wife and a lot of what she comes out with puts me in a similar situation as yourself, I look at it this way, that it's the frustration and trying to push you away in the hope that it will save you some hurt, just keep doing all you can.
    Best wishes
    Tim and Mary

  5. #5
    Forum Member Terry's Avatar
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    Hi Boiler;

    You don't deserve that and shouldn't take it.

    I do get uptight, so does my wife, mainly over communication problems. So we do get angry with each other a bit but I know that I have to back down or keep quite to keep her sane.

    Life is hard for both of you and frustrating. Sometimes Mnd can make people extra aggressive, both verbally and physically but I don't know if there's a in between. Maybe a SSRI antidepressant drug would curb his feelings but best to speak to his specialist if you think that there is a problem in that area.

    Feel for you, Hugs Terry

  6. #6
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    Hi Boiler
    Yes, Terry is right. We have the same here. I am very often temporarily 'useless' (more smiley faces here). Previously I have been temporarily ...useless on a number of occasions too (plenty more smiley faces here too). This is the nature of the beast. Talk to your nearest MND centre and ask for something to take the edges off things for your husband. Mine has Citalopram. Things aren't perfect but it will help to stop you walking out.
    Best wishes
    Fru xx

  7. #7
    Forum Member Boiler68's Avatar
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    Sorry to be so negative but I'm so tired I can barely see straight. I do make allowances for the possibility that it is MND related and hold my tongue most times, especially if our children are around. It's definitely time to speak to someone about it. You tend to give yourself a talking to and muddle through but I don't know how much more I can take. He never apologises for his language or the things he says which if he did, maybe I could deal with it better. Anyway, time to get the tea on. Thanks for your support all x

  8. #8
    Forum Member Terry's Avatar
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    Hi boiler,

    No need to apologise for anything, life ain't always a bed of roses, with Mnd.

    Does your husband realise how much extra work you have now?

    Things are very different to when two of you were doing things. Most couples share out responsibilities and work, be it that the woman quite often does the lion's share.

    But when you have to do nearly everything and then look after your husband, it's so hard.

    You have so many things to do and remember you will make mistakes and he should realise that. I hope that he can appolagise. He might be able to stop his outbursts with out drugs but he can say sorry, although it's often the hardest word.

    Fru's right about Citalopram, it is a antidepressant but also helps the frontal lob area of the brain that can sometimes be a little damaged because of the Mnd. Mine has a bit of damage.

    Love Terry

  9. #9
    Forum Member Kayleigh's Avatar
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    Hello Boiler,

    No need for you to apologise. I would have 'blown my top' by now - you must have the patience of a Saint! It is upsetting to think that you are not being treated with the respect and kindness you deserve. From reading your posts, I can tell that you are a very caring, kind and thoughtful lady, and I send you my love and hugs in appreciation of this.

    Each day must not only be physically draining for you but emotionally draining as well. I may be wrong, but I get the impression that you are managing with little or no help. It is essential that you have time to yourself and that you get enough time to rest and relax. At the moment, I can manage to look after myself at home for several hours (all day, if necessary) so that my family can have a break and time to themselves. However, in future, I realise that I will I not be able to be so independent and I will need to get carers in. At first, I will probably be a bit of a 'Mrs Grumpy' about having strangers in the house to help me, but for the sake of my family's sanity and so that they can get enough time to rest and relax, I know that it is something I will get used to. I am encouraged by others on this forum (including Ellie, Pinkelle and Newbie17) who all say that having carers in to help is a positive experience. Hopefully, if you do not get much help at the moment, I hope this can be arranged, so that you can get regular breaks and also plenty of 'me time' that you definitely deserve.

    Although I have MND, and this diagnosis can stir up many emotions in me (sadness, anger, frustration, dispair etc), it is up to me how I handle these emotions. Having MND is devastating , but it does not give me licence to take out any feelings, such as anger or frustration, on other people. It is not their fault that I have MND and life is not exactly a picnic for them either! When we get married, we make a commitment to love, honour and support the person we are marrying, in sickness and in health - but no-where in the vows do we agree to be an 'emotional punchbag', servant or slave.

    I hope that things soon change for the better for you and that you get the love, respect and appreciation that you deserve.

    Love,
    Kayleigh x
    Last edited by Kayleigh; 12th December 2018 at 21:21.
    We are a fabulous forum family - the precious bond we all share is powerful and strong!

  10. #10
    Forum Member Kayleigh's Avatar
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    Hello again Boiler,

    Maybe, when he starts to get verbally abusive or critical of you, try walking out of the room or maybe even go out of the house for a short time (if you can). Hopefully, he will get the message that he is not going to get your attention if he is rude to you. Also, he might get bored of venting his anger if there is no-one listening to him!

    In other words, don't reward bad behaviour with your attention (this is a great tip that I was given when I was a childminder!).

    Kayleigh x
    Last edited by Kayleigh; 12th December 2018 at 17:54.
    We are a fabulous forum family - the precious bond we all share is powerful and strong!

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