Check in

[Helen82]

Hi all
The Carers forum has been a bit quiet lately so thoughts I’d start a check in post to see how you’re all doing? 😊

[Broostine93]

Hi Helen,

In a word: Rubbish!

Finally got my head around/accepted that I cannot change what is happening with Gran- counselling on this made a massive difference. I was practising mindfulness/yoga for stress relief and it was working.
Then this happened: since around June/July last year, when Gran first started showing symptoms, she gave me her debit card so that I could go shopping for her and take money out for her (being her age, she prefers everything to be dealt with in cash, rather than paying for anything on card). When she was diagnosed and we realised she was not going to recover, I joined this forum and researched the condition ruthlessly- I found the advice regarding getting the LPA sorted. So, I downloaded both sets of forms (finances and medical) and wanted Gran to read them through with me. She refused at the time, saying none of it was necessary (basically denial of how bad the condition was going to get). So, like an idiot, I dropped it.
Fast forward to June of this year and Gran moves into a nursing home (her choice)- I had to inform her bank about change of address so that she would continue to receive her bank statements to her new address. They told me I couldn't inform them of this because I had no POA. Explained the situation to them. They advised Gran to write to them to request Third Party Mandate for me, so I could liaise with the bank on her behalf. So, that's what we did.
Fast forward again to 2 weeks ago- I get a phone call from the bank's fraud investigation team, asking me about the activity on the card. I confirm that it’s me, acting on the wishes of my Gran and they freeze the card. On Tuesday of this week, I get a phone call from a social worker, saying the bank contacted the police who alerted social services. This social worker went out to Gran to ask a load of questions (luckily, Gran is still able to form a few words and can write clearly so she was able to tell them what I’d already told them. Social worker said she was happy Gran wasn’t ‘being coerced and was sound of mind’.
After all that, I’ve been told to get LPA. This time, Gran had no problem reading the paperwork and signing it (which would have been a lot less stressful if she’d have just done it in March when I first printed the paperwork out!)
I am now terrified that, even when the LPA comes through, if I carry on acting on her behalf with her account, I will be ‘set upon’ again- this terrifies me because, if it’s at the point where Gran can no longer speak at all, nor use her hands to write, she will not be able to confirm the truth if she is asked. She is adamant she still wants me to take out her pension every week, though- I’m really frightened.
Love to you all- you are all the strongest people and I don’t know how you all cope with caring for your loved ones <3

[nunhead_man]

Hi Broostine,

On the LPA front. If you need some advice about where this goes to I have the contact details for somebody who came to South London branch whose has done our LPA's that may well be willing to give some advice if e.g. you say "Andy sent me."

I think though that once the LPA is in place and its activated - I hope you set it up in such a way that it becomes activated as soon as it is issued? - you should be good to go

[Gillette]

Hi Broostine,

It is good news that social services have investigated and are happy. I know it doesn’t feel like good news but, believe me, it really is. However I understand your fears but, please, try not to worry.

Sending you caring hugs.

[Broostine93]

Hi Andy,

Yes, it's the LPA that comes into effect as soon as it's registered, not the one that only comes into effect when mental capacity is lost. I do understand where this goes- thank you so much for the help, though.

Hi Dina,

It is brilliant, in the sense that they're acting in the interests of Gran. However, having been brought up in the social services 'system', I flat-out don't like them- my experience of SS has always been bad (even when it was myself that was deemed 'at risk/vulnerable').

I think my main concern is not knowing what to do, regarding 'small' amounts of money that I use for Gran (i.e. every couple of days, I will go to the shop and buy things like personal care products/yoghurts/magazines/mini trifles). When the LPA comes through, am I meant to keep records of these small things in the same way that I would for 'larger' amounts?
I really want to do everything right, so that I am covered beyond reproach.

Thank you, both.

[Guest]

look up expenses sheet on the Internet ,When I fill them out for applications! it just usually comes down to utilities so that’s gas, electric ,water then groceries! but that includes cleaning products.
Toiletries , clothing are seperate , if you want somebody to go through it with you face-to-face go to the citizens advice bureau, they’ve even helped me and they are situated in Manchester (but that is because I get help via a charity ,I don’t know what they would do if you don’t get help from the charity )and I’m 100 miles from the Scottish border ,so they do it all by email, if !you pay all your bills fortnightly !work out what you are paying fortnightly! if you pay monthly then work out everything! for the month !I had to tell a debt charity how much for instance I was paying for food for a month, I really have a record because I get food delivered by the supermarket ,so it’s all recorded on my email, The easiest thing to do is just keep receipts get a receipt for ,it get a file with plastic clear pockets and put in the receipts for food and then the receipts for something like toiletries.
My friend told me what she does is she keeps bills and receipts for a month ,then recycles them if they are paper. hope this helps

[Broostine93]

Hi Streetwise and thank you for your reply.

I got in touch with CAB yesterday to ask about what I'm meant to do about 'small everyday purchases' and they couldn't tell me, unfortunately. They told me to talk to the Office of the Public Guardian to find out. Gran is in a nursing home, funded by CHC, so there's no bills to pay for. It's literally just your 'everyday small items' that I'll be buying on her behalf (toiletries/snacks/magazines/books/nighties etc.)

[nunhead_man]

Hi Broostine

Yes, it's the LPA that comes into effect as soon as it's registered, not the one that only comes into effect when mental capacity is lost. I do understand where this goes- thank you so much for the help, though

No problem!

One more question, just in case - as you have clearly got the more recent version of the LPA - you do have both the financial and the medical one, I hope?

[Broostine93]

Hi Broostine



No problem!

One more question, just in case - as you have clearly got the more recent version of the LPA - you do have both the financial and the medical one, I hope?

Just the financial one. Gran's already made her wishes known to the nursing home and her palliative team by signing a DNR. I couldn't think of any other medical use I could be, really, as I don't get involved with anything to do with the GP anymore (nursing home took over this side of things when she moved there). Unless there's anything I've overlooked?

[nunhead_man]

Hi there,

My experience of using one of these with one of my elders is the having the medical control may also be useful if the person you are caring for becomes unable to communicate.

If you have the medical one then you can say to the medics or whoever around in a caring role to deal with them if they try to ignore your elder's wishes or wishes for them to be reemphasised or restated

I realise this is belt and braces, but I am a belt and braces person!

[Kayleigh]

Hi Streetwise and thank you for your reply.

I got in touch with CAB yesterday to ask about what I'm meant to do about 'small everyday purchases' and they couldn't tell me, unfortunately. They told me to talk to the Office of the Public Guardian to find out. Gran is in a nursing home, funded by CHC, so there's no bills to pay for. It's literally just your 'everyday small items' that I'll be buying on her behalf (toiletries/snacks/magazines/books/nighties etc.)

Hi Broostine,

It's probably worth getting advice from the Office of PG, because receipts might need to be kept for all purchases/financial transactions:-

"your attorney must keep accounts and make sure their money is kept separate from yours" - quote from the Age UK website, under the heading 'LPA for financial decisions' on the following webpage:-

http://https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney/

Also, the Age UK charity can be contacted for advice about legal issues (including powers of attorney):-

http://https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIm4ma7c635QIVkUTTCh2W6gaWEAAYASA AEgLyqfD_BwE

Best wishes
Kayleigh

[Guest]

All I did was buy what I thought might help but I was paying the bills and she helped me (but I didnt leave the nursing home very often !as she was so paralysed her vocal cords !had gone early on !and I was so close I couldnt leave her !until she insisted !, Im so panicky I kept some receipts for years ,she kept things in a pile ,paid them then threw them out !but she was a lot more confident than me !people that visited brought her things ,sometimes food she liked ,I bought high calorie food, this was 20 years ago and we knew to buy high calorie .