Als

[Puddy]

From around March last year, my husband, Nigel, started saying his right leg was heavy. To cut a long story short, he was diagnosed with ALS in July last year. Currently, the only working limb he has now is his left arm. His speech became slurred and now I can barely understand him. Is it usual to deteriorate so quickly? I just don't know what to expect or how quickly to expect it. I am seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist because I'm not handling it mentally.

[Ellie]

Nigel's progression is fairly fast but unfortunately not overly unusual.

Is his progression pretty steady or does he go through periods of progression before a few brief weeks of respite? None of the treatments he had speeded his progression, did it?

As I said on your other thread, I'm truly sorry you are both having such a torrid time and I am glad you're getting professional help.

Love Ellie.

[Puddy]

Thanks Ellie. We seem to tick over for a couple of weeks, until a new problem comes along which we have to work around e.g. was able to stand, suddenly can't stand etc. He had some private physio which might have overdone it.

[nunhead_man]

Good afternoon Puddy

I can't really add anything to what Ellie has said other than to offer you a warm welcome and ask away on any topic

[stev50]

Hi Puddy,
Welcome to this forum I have been absent from this forum for a while. I know who you feel with your situation. I have lived and cared
for my loved one and witnessed plateaus and valleys.

[Puddy]

I look at my husband struggling and it breaks my heart. When he cries I can't help him because nothing is going to cure him. How do you deal with this day by day? I can't get my head round this.

[nunhead_man]

Good evening Puddy

As you know I'm coming into this carers matter from the side of somebody who suffers from MND.

I was swearing about this disease yesterday in the presence of my daughter who helps with my care although the amount of care I need at the moment is quite limited. She was getting quite upset, because, as it turned out this was reminding her of where I was going and asked me not to get angry when she was around if I could and talk to somebody else about it.

So in relation to your challenge, I'm not quite sure what to suggest other than finding your husband someone else to talk to who understands MND and can comfort him in some way.

[Broostine93]

Hi Puddy,

It's been a while since I've been on the forum due to my caring role coming to an end in February of this year. Firstly, you've absolutely done the right thing by talking to professional counsellors- keep doing this, as it will help you get through each 'stage' as your husband progresses.
With regard to his cries of despair, you could try the following:

- Distraction techniques: i.e. watch films together, listen to music, listen to an audiobook together or go through old photo albums. If he can get into a garden, definitely spend as much time there with him as possible- it's a proven fact that being outside alleviates a poor mood/mental state.
- See if he wants to talk to a counsellor, in the same way that you are. It will help him immensely if he is struggling to cope.

I think, being on the other side of this, we can tend to 'put on a happy face' for our loved one- sometimes, that's a good thing (in my case, if ever I broke down in front of my relative, she would start crying because she'd feel guilty about having to rely on me so much- this made our relationship very strained, over time). You know your husband best, so you should have a pretty accurate understanding of how he'd react if you 'took off the mask' in front of him- if he's the sort that would find solace in solidarity, absolutely talk through how you feel about it all and have a good cry together- it can be incredibly healing and an excellent bonding experience to know that you're both in it together.

It's a long, hard road to travel and it's incredibly unfair- be kind to yourself, be kind to your husband and focus on the memories you want to make together- I don't think there are many people on this forum who haven't had some kind of happy and lasting memory made since they or their loved one was diagnosed

Try to find one positive out of every day- you'll be amazed at how easily you can turn it into a habit

[Puddy]

Thank you both. We have good and bad days and we do manage to laugh. What with this virus thing, our lives have changed forever.

[Doug Carpenter]

Thanks for posting Puddy.

I was beginning to fear the Forum itself had gone into lockdown!

Thinking of you both.

Doug

[Deb]

Hi Puddy,

I am so sorry that Nigel's progression has been so swift. I am not a carer but I appreciate how utterly heartbreaking it must be to see your husband struggling. It's good you are able to laugh together so keep doing this whenever you can.

Take Care of yourself too and stay safe,
Love Debbie x

[Samanth]

Dear Puddy,
I completely understand what you are going through as I’m going through it too. My husband was diagnosed in May last year. He currently has little limb movement, using only 1 finger. At the minute his speech and swallow are starting to decline.

To enable us to get extra help we have had to move into my parents and I have had to leave my job and my friends.

Dealing with psychological toll of the disease on both of us has been awful. I try to cheer him up as much as possible. However inside Iv crumbled. I just can’t stop thinking about the future and feel very alone.

[Jo jo]

I feel your pain. What a horrible horrible illness. Everyday gets harder watching the person you love slowly getting worse. I am not the same person i was 8 months ago. My heart goes out to everyone who is going through this. Reading the posts on this forum helps me so much as I don’t feel so alone. Love to you all. Xx

[Puddy]

Thanks everyone. I'm sorry we're all going through this. I, too, think a lot of the future and what will happen.

[denise]

hey everyone
its so nice to know you are all there. it is dreadful to watch all this going on and feel so useless. since my husbands diagnosis last year i think it is all i have thought about. the stupid thing is i dont even really know how to talk about it with him. its like the elephant in the room. he has just refused to have a peg fitted. its like i dont know if i should be encouraging to live or what - does that sound dreadful? i was trying to protect him from the virus and he looks at me as if to say well does it matter! i feel as though i am being put through the wringer every day.
hugs and kisses to everyone