You couldn't do that for me

[denise]

Oh this might make me sound horrible but today that's all I've heard. You couldn't do up my jacket. You couldn't take my socks off. You couldn't put them back on. You couldn't spread my butter. You couldn't undo my lighter. Honestly I try to make it light hearted and say no I couldn't but if you ask properly I probably could. But it just got too much. I've told him to at least try to take his socks off. Try to spread his butter. I suppose its so much easier for him to keep asking. Thing is he was able to remove his socks and spread his butter. I feel like screaming - ok I admit it I lost it and ended up shouting. I said do you realise thats all you have said to me all morning 😦
then he demands that I should put something in the bin. That I need to go in the kitchen and put a black bin liner in the bin - now! If I say to him hey why not make a cup of tea - horror how dare I even make a suggestion.
I need a padded cell where I can go and beat something and scream.
why do they not have an emoji that is screaming 🤔

[Lynne K]

I won’t comment on your post subject but about emicons: there’s one on my mobile that has an erupting head but I can’t find it. Would one of these do: 🥶🤦♀️, Lynne

[denise]

Yes please.
sorry I shared that but ... just sometimes I could run away . Come to think of it I have an emoji with an exploding head. He's having physio at the moment so I have peace and quiet. It's wonderful 😊 bliss

[Suefromwakey]

Denise I too have had a blow out today, different reasons to yours but non the less husband been in the firing line..............how bloody hard is this

Sue

[DeeH]

It is hard.

Just feel scared and tired. I leave the room a lot. I bite my lip a lot.

Just hugging is complicated. He can't lift his arms very high and they are weak.

Even at end stage dementia my Grandad could hug.

This disease is a bastard.

Donna

[denise]

I'm glad it's not just me. My day went downhill very quickly. The pull ring on the cat food broke off. Tin opener and various tools wouldn't let me in. The flint for his lighter rolled under the chair and vanished. It was one thing after another. He added to it. I lost the plot. He says sorry. Walks off for a fag then starts all over again. He seems bomb proof. I think I should beat rugs or .... I just done know. Make bread.... I just need to scream but it doesn't happen.
I saw that report about carers being warn out and undervalued. Tell me about it 😣

[Suefromwakey]

I read something - as if I havent read enough on this topic! - it said that carers become all consumed with this and it can obviously last for years, and how they feel totally let down after the event, boom! from full on to nothing and that can be a scary thought, from totally planning your life around this to zilch - no such support for the carer then - some find it hard to cope then also

Sue

[denise]

Yes I heard that caring for someone with dementia can cause the carer to go the same way. I think all the stress opens us up to all kinds. When it's over it must be like being on a running machine that stops and we just fall off. It's all very daunting. 🤤

[Suefromwakey]

I find I am a bit calmer today, putting that down to the fact I had a one hour counselling session yesterday for the bereavement of my son - from being the cynical sod I am I think I am finding it helps which in turn helps me cope with my husband.

Sue

[denise]

I feel a bit better today too. Just having a break from him yesterday helped. I'm beginning to think the phases of the moon might be getting to me! 😈

[GaryM]

I find that I get all the sympathy from people, but I think it's tougher for my wife. Not only is she doing everything for me, but it's breaking her heart seeing what's happening and she's worried she won't be able to cope when I get worse. I do try to do as much as I can though. When I spill or drop something, she tells me to just sit down.

[Suefromwakey]

I have to say Gary the "not knowing whats next" is a big thing for me, none of you are the same - what a road you are on - I've told my husband to make a "Plan B" cos if owt happens to me he's absolutely knacked, seriously he would need care within a day of me not being here - that's also not a nice thought to know someone is so dependent on you, he wont make the plan - if I have a heart attack tonight he's buggered tomorrow,

it is seriously difficult

Sue

[denise]

I know sue there is that dread that flu or anything could take us and there would be nothing for them. Stephen insists he would cope. His list of things he can do is seriously out weighted by those he can't.
I tell him to try and do things but I know I am going to finish off or clean up. Then there's the guilt of watching him struggle.
I swing between wanting to hug and protect him and wanting to murder him.
Today I didn't want to get up. I'm usually up early and dressed but today it was an effort. He said I'm very grumpy today but I don't think he was interested in why or how I'm feeling.
I'm sure I will pull my socks up and get on with things because I have to. I should be looking forward to Christmas but I'm not.
sorry everyone but I do feel better sharing rather than having all this going through my head.
love to you all
Denise xxx

[denise]

Oh I give up I've just been unapproved.

[denise]

Sue I agree with you. He's home alone.
to be honest I shared my thoughts and my message was unapproved it's hard enough putting into words the upset and frustration but to have your effort unapproved is really a further hurt which when you feel so useless and stressed makes the whole forum pointless.
I'm going to have a cup of tea and just get on with things because that's what we do. 😭