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Feeling guilty

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    Feeling guilty

    Well it’s been 18 months since I lost my lovely husband and after the anniversary of his death I’ve been feeling worst and worst , I’m feeling guilty that’s maybe I didn’t care for him correctly or that I took all my frustrations out on him or that I was a bad wife cause I went out for drink so with my friends when I should have been spending the time with him .

    And worst of all I keep seeing him die, the last few moments are killing me, I’ve recently had to take a few weeks of work sick cause I couldn’t cope at work , I’ve gone back to counselling, I’m just feeling so alone right now , everything has changed th house is so quiet

    Sorry I just thought someone may understand where I’m coming from

    Hello Betty Boop, I'm sorry you are struggling so much with your grief. It's such a horrid thing to go through, whatever the cause of death. I'm pretty sure that you cared for your husband really well and that you have nothing to feel guilty about. Grief can twist our perception of things out of all recognition. I really hope that the counselling is working for you. I wish there was something I could do for you. The best I can come up with is to send you huge snuggly hugs ((((())))) and to ask you to take care of yourself.

    Trying to keep positive, but not always managing.


      Hi Betty Boop, I'm sorry that you feel so low since your bereavement. I doubt that you have anything to really feel guilty about. As Dina said bereavement can have you thinking negatively. But may I add that it's just as well that you could go out with friends whilst working hard the rest of the time to care for your loved one. I tell my husband to keep going out to play his fiddle with friends, mostly in pubs, for as long as he can. A depressed husband is not how I want him to be for his sake and mine. He'd be certain to get depressed if he couldn't get out to play.

      Counselling is a very good idea. I understand how the quietness of your home is very hard to bear. I hope that you will soon feel strong enough to fill it now and then with happy sounds, such as visitors and maybe parties or at least girly get togethers. Can you take up a new hobby, or re-establish an old one. I hope that you will soon be able to look forwards. That doesn't mean forgetting your loved one, or being disloyal to them. I'm sure that he would have wanted you to have some future joy in your life. Sorry if I've come across preachy. I had counselling training years ago and it helps me deal with challenges in my life and sometimes stimulates me to reach out. I send you electronic hugs. Take care. Lynne x
      ALS diagnosed November 2017, limb onset. For the 4 yrs previously I was losing my balance.

      I'm staying positive and taking each day as it comes.


        Thank you both for your comments xx