6 months on

[shrew]

Thanks Ellie, I always think of you too.
Puddy , I wish that I had some words that could help you through all this. I lost Mick 3/7/19 , 11 and a half month after diagnosis. I am so sad too. I hope that you have people around you to help you through all this, It is the worst disease ever. It robbed me of my Husband , my girls of their Dad, my Grandson of his Grandad. All our hopes, dreams, plans for our future were destroyed, he didnt even reach 60. I feel lost and alone. Puddy pm me if you need any help or advice, or someone to talk to.

[Tess]

I'm sorry for all the losses mentioned here. The grief is huge.
That's my big fear right now...the silence, the gap where your best friend should be. It's a scary thought that I know many have gone through already. I try to prepare myself for the future of not having him around but I don't think anything will prepare me.
A horrible disease robbing both the sufferers of a healthy long life and the families of time with their loved one.

[Broostine93]

Hi everyone,

I am so grateful for all the responses to my post. I can see that you're all feeling strong emotions, like me- certainly helps not to feel so alone in this!

Sadly, my emotions have gotten the better of me recently. I had last week off work, to try and de-stress and generally take care of myself for a bit. Well, that backfired dramatically, I must say. The Thursday evening before my week off, my dog became ill- he vomited quite a lot (very unlike him and, if ever he does, it usually precedes a grand mal seizure, so I naturally panicked a fair bit). I got straight on to the vet emergency number, but they wouldn't answer (worst pet-related nightmare ever!) so I rang another vet and took the dog over there (this was at around 4am and had work in a few hours). Anyhow, the vet gave him an anti-vomiting jab and told us to monitor him at home. The next few days were spent on-edge. On the Monday night, it seems the illness progressed to lower in the stomach and so there was a bad bowel movement, which also included blood. Of course, I'm there panicking again so we rush him to the vets again (this time, we returned home at 2:30am in the morning, so you can imagine we're a bit tired by this point and my poor partner has to get up for work again the following day). The vet concluded that the dog had gastroenteritis, gave him some meds and sent him back home with us.
This progressed into my being unable to be in the same room as the dog due to my anxiety becoming quite bad (sat on the edge of the sofa, constantly watching him and jumping at any 'unusual' sounds or movements- you get the idea). My partner has been sleeping downstairs with him because of how bad I've been around him.
It all sort of came to a head last night- the dog woke up and seemed to pull his 'I'm in pain' face and I was off. I literally ran into another room, crying, hyperventilating and shaking to the point where I couldn't walk properly. I ended up saying I couldn't do this anymore and was suggesting that I leave the house and my partner (there was talk of rehoming the dog, but I can't do that to my partner- it would crush him and he'd end up hating me for it). Eventually, we compromised and so we're sending the dog 'on holiday' for a week to the dog sitter that we normally use when we go on holiday (gives him a break from me, also, as I'm sure my anxiety is rubbing off on him). In the meantime, I've called my doctor and explained what's gone on (this is obviously brought on by the MND journey/experiences) so I've been prescribed a beta-blocker and therapy.
I know that MND is a horrendous disease, but I never believed that it had affected me so badly. I'm glad there's help out there and I am so hoping that these tools work to bring me back to 'normal'- I don't know what I'm going to do if they don't, as this situation can't continue indefinitely.
I feel a bit stupid (and indeed, some family members have been a bit like 'seriously? he's a dog' when they've heard what's been going on), worrying so much over a dog, after everything else that's happened, but I suppose the mind works in a very weird way.