Loss of my father

[LukeR Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close LukeR]

Hi everyone,

I know my father was well known on here (Terry aka TC) and knowing that he had been a positive influence on so many people brings me great comfort.

I have not found the time since he passed easy, but we finally had his headstone placed a month or so ago, and instead of bringing me comfort, it has driven to me a place I cannot cope with. I miss him more than anything, and not having him to talk to breaks me every day. I know this is not MND specific, but I don't know where else to be able to talk to people without being judged.

Really struggling to connect with people, me and him could connect in a way I've never had with anyone else, and although the disease pushed us apart a lot, I've come to realise that we still connected and could relate to each other regarding our great love of motorsport, and motorcycles.

I wish he was here, and I'm lost without him, and it doesn't feel like it will get better or go away.

Sorry for the long post

[Bowler Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close Bowler]

Hello Luke. This post must have been difficult to write so thank you for trusting us with your inner thoughts.

I never had the privilege of chatting with your dad on here but from what I’ve read he was indeed an exceptional person who’s legacy will live on through the threads he started and commented on.

Have you thought about looking into grief counselling. If you think it might be for you I’m sure the MNDA will be willing to help.

Take care

[denise Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close denise]

Oh Luke

I think I caught a few of his posts and I thought him a lovely guy.

My heart breaks for you it's dreadful to lose someone you are so close to. Imagine he is close by and with you. You are part of him after all.

love and hugs to you and your family
Denise xxx

[Gordan1111 Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close Gordan1111]

Dreadfully sorry for your l loss Luke. I never knew him though others will, but saw some of his posts. We have lost one of us. x

[Suefromwakey Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close Suefromwakey]

Luke the father and son bond is special and although you are in a bad place at the moment I really hope things improve for you and you can think of him with fondest of thoughts - my heart goes out to you - speaking as a mother in grief for her son

Best wishes Sue

[Barry52 Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close Barry52]

Hello Luke,

I’m sorry that you are finding it difficult to cope with the grief and I hope you can get some help. I understand what you are going through as it took me a long time following the death of my father, albeit due to cancer and not this hideous disease called MND. Terry and I joined the forum at a similar time and I immediately took a liking to his approach to helping others as well as his interest in F1 and motor GP. His special friendship with CC on the other side of the pond and his love of Costa coffee are memories that will stay with me. I had to meet this guy and we managed a couple of occasions near Cambridge where “granddad” would bring Terry in the WAV. He was always referred to as granddad on the forum (I’m sure his name is Richard) so I was surprised that when I met him he was younger than me and Terry.

I realise that it is almost a year since TC passed away and this will be a difficult time for you but please take solace in how your dad helped many of us cope with this disease on a day to day basis.

Best wishes,
Barry

[MNDConnect Forum Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close MNDConnect]

Hi Luke

It's good to hear from you. I think of your dad often as he was such a big part of the forum and is very much missed.

Please do know that we are here to support you. Some times it can be helpful just to have someone to talk to, that you don't know but that who understands MND. Please private message us, email us at [email protected] or give us a ring on 0808 802 6262 any time that you need to chat.

Best Wishes

Rachel
MND Connect Adviser

[Lynne K Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close Lynne K]

Luke, I made friends with your dad/Terry on here. He gave me several very good tips and I him one or two. He was a lovely person. I too hope that you feel up to seeking out bereavement counselling. Maybe your GP could either suggest somebody or refer you. Love Lynne x

[Deb Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close Deb]

Hi Like,

I am so sorry you are struggling with the loss of your wonderful father. As others have suggested it may be helpful for you to talk to someone.

I'm glad it brings you some comfort to know how helpful he was to others. He was one of the first to welcome me to our forum and he was always on hand with friendly advice and tips. He was a true gentleman and I loved his sense of humour. For a long time I believed that Richard was really his Grandad and I enjoyed reading about their trips out.

Love to you and your family,
Debbie x

[LukeR Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close LukeR]

Thankyou everyone for the replies, it means so much. I have been speaking with the pastor of the local Baptist church, although he is not a bereavement councillor he is good man and it does help, but it never takes the pain away. The episode of top gear this week really set me off again, so lovely but so hard to watch for me.

[Mary C Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mary C]

Hi Luke, glad the Baptist minister is giving you a listening ear.Maybe he might know a local bereavement support group( not easy in covid times but might have zoom meetings).
Wondering if you have any friends to share your feelings of grief with?Everything is so much more difficult in covid times but soon I hope you can resume your interests and find the support you need.The worst thing is not to talk things through about the memories you have of your dad and the loss you are feeling.With Best wishes..Mary xxx