Mum passed away in November after a 3 year battle with MND. It was peaceful, at home, in her bed with us around. I know she is in a better place. My brother passed away 37 years ago so imagining that they are together and catching up is comforting.
What I struggle with is the fact she made the decision to go. The second lockdown had started. Mum, dad and I Shielded from March 15th until August 20th when I want back to work. She had a change of carers at the beginning of November who did the bare minimum, her previous carer was wonderful and was due back in January. I drove from London to the south coast to visit every Friday morning to check post, do food shopping for dad and carers and see my mummy etc and drove back late evening. She could not see her 4 year old granddaughter and my brother.
She rarely used her iPad to communicate, we managed with hand gestures; guessing and using her finger to write in the air! but on Friday October 13th she got out her iPad and told that she was done. We sat and talked for about an hour, I told her that we would miss her terribly but completely understood. I told her she was braver than I would have been. She held my hand through out. It was her granddaughters 4th birthday on the 15th and I told her she had to hang around for that and for Christmas, she agreed. 20 minutes later she typed ‘there will always be something to hang around for’.
We made the decision to have my niece visit with her on her birthday and again on the Monday. Tuesday evening mum messaged my brother to ask him to help her into her bed, she hadn’t slept in her bed for 4 months, she couldn’t get comfortable because of her saliva. My brother called me, I drove down as soon as he called, I arrived at 11pm (A3 closed due to over night road works) she feel asleep shortly after I arrived. We sat by her bed and at 3am she stopped breathing.
I have googled since and I know that deciding you have had enough and pasting away is a thing, I just cannot get my head around it!
Sorry it’s so long and disjointed.
Ali
What I struggle with is the fact she made the decision to go. The second lockdown had started. Mum, dad and I Shielded from March 15th until August 20th when I want back to work. She had a change of carers at the beginning of November who did the bare minimum, her previous carer was wonderful and was due back in January. I drove from London to the south coast to visit every Friday morning to check post, do food shopping for dad and carers and see my mummy etc and drove back late evening. She could not see her 4 year old granddaughter and my brother.
She rarely used her iPad to communicate, we managed with hand gestures; guessing and using her finger to write in the air! but on Friday October 13th she got out her iPad and told that she was done. We sat and talked for about an hour, I told her that we would miss her terribly but completely understood. I told her she was braver than I would have been. She held my hand through out. It was her granddaughters 4th birthday on the 15th and I told her she had to hang around for that and for Christmas, she agreed. 20 minutes later she typed ‘there will always be something to hang around for’.
We made the decision to have my niece visit with her on her birthday and again on the Monday. Tuesday evening mum messaged my brother to ask him to help her into her bed, she hadn’t slept in her bed for 4 months, she couldn’t get comfortable because of her saliva. My brother called me, I drove down as soon as he called, I arrived at 11pm (A3 closed due to over night road works) she feel asleep shortly after I arrived. We sat by her bed and at 3am she stopped breathing.
I have googled since and I know that deciding you have had enough and pasting away is a thing, I just cannot get my head around it!
Sorry it’s so long and disjointed.
Ali
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