Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Bereaement, Widowhood and Aloneness

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Bereaement, Widowhood and Aloneness

    As part of Dying Matters Week (10th - 16th May) please see this personal perspective on bereavement, widowhood and aloneness from Jan Warren.

    It is with the great loss of a loved one, that we discover the weakness of our emotions. I am often surprised at the swift onset of tears which appear without any seemingly poignant trigger.
    I recall I went to the cinema with a friend to see Little Women. It holds an abundance of childhood memories, which unleashed a myriad of emotions. Tears flowed and in retrospect covered such a wide variety of issues.
    Of course to David my wonderful, funny random late husband and with his loss the deep, deep loneliness.
    I know I’m much more prone to tears now, so no longer try to challenge the reasons. And neither should you. They are all part of our grief and of course the broken hearts we carry that we ‘duck tape’ with our memories.
    I’m very honoured that I have a wonderful friend, with whom I can correspond, who truly understands the level of grief the loss of a partner brings. Loss of parents, siblings, friends and very sadly children are hard to bear but the loss of a partner with whom you have grown, aged and who have helped to mould who you have become over the decades of your relationship, is something totally different. They were often the better side of you. The ying to your yang. Your reason for sharing every part of your life …mind, body and soul. Intimate, secretive, earth moving, challenging, teaching, so many things, indeed …… our everything.
    I can only say again that this level of despair does come in waves and sometimes surprises us by its ferocity and depth. But being below par physically or at ‘anniversary moments‘, we tend to indulge ourselves in raising memories to the fore that we know will end in floods of tears. (And remember it’s allowed, there’s no moratorium on grief).
    I admit, I dread Christmas. Last year, I indulged in a few hours of deep, deep despair and, I’ll admit, self pity. I didn't think I could pull myself out of it. But as is often the case, my ‘mini me’ daughter sent me a photo of her car radio on her dashboard of a song that had appeared by chance on their radio, on the way to Christmas dinner with friends. It was Blackbird by the Beatles. One of, if not THE favourite of David’s eclectic mix of music. It both cheered me and changed my tears from distraught self pity to joy of memory.

    Losing a partner through bereavement is a bitter sweet existence. But we endure and oh those lovely memories.
    2020 has been a difficult and reflective year for many. The displays of kindness, Captain Sir Tom and his marvellous fundraising, ‘alone time’ in the true sense of the word. Missing colleagues, friends and most of all family. We who have lost our partners through MND have a ‘jump’ on the rest of the population. Our ‘aloneness’ is a constant. That special person with whom we shared everything , who could set our hearts racing, or with whom an argument could be a precursor for a lovely making-up. We know and understand ‘aloneness’. So be kind to yourself and imagine if the world had chosen you not your loved one. Wouldn’t you want them to have lived happily, contentedly and always smiling making more beautiful memories?

    To learn more of my bereavement story, I recorded a podcast with ‘The Midlife Movement’. Here’s a link if you wish to listen to our discussion.
    I hope it helps you.

    https://podcast.app/surviving-widowh...m_medium=share

    Jan Warren
    Vice Chair of Trustees
    Motor Neurone Disease Association

    #2
    Thank you for sharing this.
    On the forum we always say to new members “you are not alone but are part of this family”.
    The same can be true for those of us who have lost loved ones to MND.
    This forum has been / is an important life line to me. The good people on here are truly remarkable and an absolute inspiration.

    Comment


      #3
      Hi Bowler,
      You are also inspirational in the support you give to people on this forum whilst living with the loss of Ann.
      This forum has been a great help to me especially as I haven’t like many others been able
      to go physically to a support group .The MND Association do a zoom support meeting which is also my go to for support and sharing with local people living with MND and carers and spouses .
      Hope you have a good day
      Best wishes
      Mary

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Bowler View Post
        Thank you for sharing this.
        On the forum we always say to new members “you are not alone but are part of this family”.
        The same can be true for those of us who have lost loved ones to MND.
        This forum has been / is an important life line to me. The good people on here are truly remarkable and an absolute inspiration.
        Thanks to you for your support Phil,always there when needed even though you’ve been through your own hard times 😊
        Janette x

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Nettie View Post

          Thanks to you for your support Phil,always there when needed even though you’ve been through your own hard times 😊
          I totally agree with Janette and Mary. Thank you for continuing to support us Phil.
          Thank you also for giving us some much needed fun with your quizzes. ( even if we do need to lie down in a dark room afterwards!) X

          Comment


            #6
            Oh girls. I don’t know what to say you have literally brought tears to my eyes. 🥰🥰

            Comment


              #7
              Time heals quickly when support is readily accessible like on here. 🤗🤗x
              Bulbar started Jan 2020. Mute and 100% tube fed but mobile and undefeated. Stay Strong 🤗😘🤗😁xx

              Comment


                #8
                All for one and one for all. 🤗

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by denise View Post
                  All for one and one for all. 🤗
                  Good phrase. I second the sentiment 🤗 🤗 x
                  ALS diagnosed November 2017, limb onset. For the 4 yrs previously I was losing my balance.

                  I'm staying positive and taking each day as it comes.

                  Comment

                  Working...
                  X