By way of explanation

[matthew55]

I'm okay people I have just been sulking! I seem to have upset some guys with my attitude toward bereavement so to explain: On 19/11/91 Victoria Katherine Birley my daughter was born and I finally discovered what love is. When she was 10 days old she stopped weeing and we took her to our local Hospital. From there to Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital where we stayed for six months. Then we had three months at home with her on dialysis. Thanks to my wife and I sharing a bad gene Vicky was born with dead kidneys. We were praying for her to put on enough weight for a transplant when aged just 9 months she died. I had to carry my daughter's tiny coffin out of the church. Not long after I was at the funerals of both my parents and grandparents. Oh and a couple of years ago my best friend died. All this has left me emotionally dead inside and I feel nothing when sad things happen. Conversely I cry buckets at a happy ending. Now I'm almost mute and can't eat but I don't let it get me down. What I do do however is always speak my mind. Thank you those of you who were worried about me, I promise that when I do it I will say goodbye before I go. Love you all xx Matthew

[Ellie]

Matthew, you should not feel the need to give an explanation for your absence.

Love Ellie.

[matthew55]

True but then I'm me aren't I? 😄

[Ellie]

True but then I'm me aren't I? 😄

That you are mate and don't change x

[matthew55]

😊😊😊😊😊😊

[denise]

oh matthew that is so sad and i can understand how that has made you like that. but hey you had us worried there and yes i like to speak my mind and people dont always like it. so dont go saying goodby.
denise xx

[matthew55]

Denise x

[Deb]

It's good to have you back Matthew... We missed you ! As Ellie said you really don't need to explain an absence from our forum.

I am so very sorry about your daughter. We lost our little girl when she was five. I have no idea how we survived except I had to keep going for our two younger children. I was and still am totally over protective of them. It certainly changes your perspective on life and I really appreciate your feelings.I am not pretending to understand because we all try to cope differently.

Thank you for sharing. Love and hugs to you.
Debbie x

[matthew55]

Debbie x

[Lizzie]

Although I have only posted a few times on the forum, I have always noticed your posts as you are so honest and say it as it is. I admire and appreciate that. Don’t change, and know that , as a fellow sufferer/ warrior, I understand where you’re coming from. Stay strong. It’s the best we can do.
love, Lizzie x

[matthew55]

Liz, you rock girl x

[Shaun]

Hello Matthew , when I read your original post , I had two thoughts
1 something has hit you hard and you were in quite a severe depression and I honestly didn’t know what to say, my wife suffers from depression and sometimes it’s just best to let her get through it
2 I must admit, I thought it’s your life your choice, I have potentially 10 -15 years of slowly declining and sometimes I wish it would get it over and done with quickly. And was probably a bit jealous , there’s a turn up, somebody jealous of your illness...
Glad you have been able to get your thoughts out and not bottled it all. Keep going Matthew I hope we will all be here to support you as need.
shaun

[matthew55]

Depression is a state of mind. Done it and wrote a post card. Goodnight x

[Nettie]

That is who you are so just carry on as you are, nice to see you back. Janette x

[richard]

Matthew. Words fail me save to say I am thinking about you and wish you great strength

Richard