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  • Gillette
    replied
    Oh, Lynne, I'm so sorry you had such a sh*tty time with your husband. I hope the atmosphere between you is easier now. I can understand you feeling concerned for the future but please try not to worry about it - try to take things one day at a time. I'm sending you some virtual hugs as my arms aren't quite long enough to reach your side of Radcliffe. ((((()))))

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  • Lynne K
    replied
    Thanks Debbie x

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  • Deb
    replied
    Hi Lynne,

    So sorry for your situation...Life is so unfair and I totally understand why you have had a meltdown. I can see why you are fearful and frustrated.

    I am sure we all have a panic about the future sometimes and an atmosphere at home is enough to set one off. It's really hard to pull yourself up then and get back on an even keel.

    Hopefully, you will feel better tomorrow as it is another day !

    Thinking of you and sending hugs,
    Love Debbie x

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  • Lynne K
    replied
    Thanks Terry and Ellie. No respite chance at all. I encourage him to keep up his playing in music sessions, mostly Irish Trad.' He always comes back happy and much easier to get along with. He decided to not go out on Tuesday this week saying it was so he could look after me, but their was footy on so I'm not convinced. Anyway whenever he suggests staying in for me I tell him no need to and that it's more important that he keeps happy. He knows how I feel about his rants. I enjoy the couple of hours break too. I can watch some Netflix that he wouldn't be interested in.

    I looked after him and his two kids (I could write a book about that) shortly after we got together as he'd had a breakdown. I was always patient and attentive, gave him space when he needed it. I put up with his kids icy attitude to me aware that they'd understandably have preferred their mum (who'd left them all 2 years before I was on the scene). Can you see why I'm disappointed and fearful? Lynne
    Last edited by Lynne K; 5 May 2019, 16:22.

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  • Ellie
    replied
    Lynne, I am so, so sorry for your situation.

    Any chance you can get a week respite and give you a break away from him?

    Big hugs to you...

    Love Ellie.

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  • Terry
    replied
    Hi Lynne,

    Hope things have calm down more. Life is extra extra hard when you can't communicate quickly and well. It is just impossible to explain things in that situation.

    I think that most of us worry about our other halves and the future care.

    Hugs Terry

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  • Lynne K
    replied
    Hi Dina. I hope that today has been easier for you.
    Probably about the time of your strife I was having a shitty day because of husband troubles. He decided to have an enormous rant at me. I tried to hold my own but was too upset to get my words out. It's hard enough speaking as it is. 24 hours later there's still tension in the air. He rarely apologises for anything. It's usually all the other persons fault. But the level of anger and how he threw things back in my face that he's done for me feels wholly inappropriate. He's always been this way and pulls no punches for MND. I'm seriously worried for the future. Lynne

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  • Ellie
    replied
    Hi Dina,

    We all have meltdowns and understand exactly how you feel and what provokes them!!! Big hug to you

    I've bee dependent on carers since 2008, so have had a few differences with carers - we can't expect to get on with every carer, nor them with us. It IS important to trust a carer and have a good rapport with them, particularly as they get more involved with your personal care.

    I have learned to nip relationship issues in the bud and to have friendly, open and honest chats with them - if that doesn't improve things, I contact their manager and take it from there. In my experience, most, not all issues, can be sorted out amicably and is often due to a simple misunderstanding left to fester....

    I have twice asked for a carer to be removed from my care team.

    Best of luck to you!

    Love Elllie.

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  • Gillette
    replied
    Originally posted by Iron Will View Post
    I'm in Manchester. I was talking to someone about beds, hoists and carers when they just said there were carers and carers. the feeling was go private . not ready yet but I thought it was worth noting. I'm still in reasonable nick so no rush, of course time will tell.
    When the time comes, if you're thinking of going private, it would be wise to use an agency that doesn't do care for social services. The reason I say this is that if your carers are doing social services as well as private work, they will be pushed for time. I think you would struggle to get the service you are after.

    Another point to consider is cost. I have to have two carers at a time as they have to use a hoist. At the moment, social services in Bury Council area don't charge more for two carers than just one. However, if you go privately you would have to pay for each of them. In addition, the rate full cost payers are charged is 25% less than the agency charges privately. These differences can make a huge difference to the amount you have to pay for care.

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  • Iron Will
    replied
    Originally posted by Gillette View Post
    Hi Iron Will,

    I haven't heard anything about two grades of carers. Who was it who told you that? Also, where do you live? I'm just wondering if you're in Scotland as the system is a bit different there.
    I'm in Manchester. I was talking to someone about beds, hoists and carers when they just said there were carers and carers. the feeling was go private . not ready yet but I thought it was worth noting. I'm still in reasonable nick so no rush, of course time will tell.

    Leave a comment:


  • Gillette
    replied
    Thank you, everyone, for your support - it was just what I needed.

    I've decided to write off today - it simply hasn't been worth the bother.

    Leave a comment:


  • Gillette
    replied
    Originally posted by Doug Carpenter View Post
    Dear Dina

    I am so, so sorry to hear about your day. Big hug!

    Thank you for sharing. This is exactly the place to rant. You’ve been put in an intolerable situation not of your making. Your feelings are entirely justified and in no way unreasonable.

    As CC says, don’t beat yourself up.

    Another big hug!

    Doug x
    Hi Doug,

    Well the day has finally improved as I have, not one, but TWO big hugs from you! Thank you.

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  • Gillette
    replied
    Originally posted by Iron Will View Post
    I feel for you.
    it's a topical topic for me this as carers are now being discussed for myself. I was told yesterday that there are two grades of carer, standard NHS and a "premium" team that you pay a little more for. is this true? at the moment my wife is my carer.
    Hi Iron Will,

    I haven't heard anything about two grades of carers. Who was it who told you that? Also, where do you live? I'm just wondering if you're in Scotland as the system is a bit different there.

    Leave a comment:


  • Iron Will
    replied
    I feel for you.
    it's a topical topic for me this as carers are now being discussed for myself. I was told yesterday that there are two grades of carer, standard NHS and a "premium" team that you pay a little more for. is this true? at the moment my wife is my carer.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kayleigh
    replied
    Hi Terry,

    I like the line in your post 'trouble is getting upset does not do us any good'. This is something I have been told by the men in my life, many many times!!

    I know that what you say TC is logical and sensible (as always!) but .......

    ..... I'm one of those emotional females that cries at anything - happy tears, sad tears ... (basically most men's nightmare!!).

    A typical scenario (from my experience anyway):-

    Emotional female crying (i.e me).

    - Male response (i.e. my hubby, my brother):

    "Calm down, why are you crying? what's the point? it's not going to change anything! If there was anything I could do to take your MND away, then I'd do it - but I can't. You crying and getting upset can't change that!"

    - Female response (i.e. my mum, a female friend of mine):

    "Ah, what's the matter? Let me give you a hug. We'll have a nice cup of tea and you can tell me all about it".

    I agree that it's not logical to deal with things by getting upset and shedding tears, but for some reason my emotions are not programmed to think that way - and I find a bit of tea and empathy goes a long way to help me deal with things.

    When it comes down to it Terry - you are a logical and practical man, wheras, I am an emotional and creative female - there's bound to be a difference of opinion about how to deal with things sometimes.

    But there's nothing like a bit of debate to keep things interesting! - Just as long as you know that females are usually (correction - ALWAYS!) right! LOL

    Love and hugs
    Kayleigh xx

    P.S Typical man TC - bringing stockings and suspenders into any conversation! LOL

    PPS. I always like the advice and tips you give - especially concerning the practical side of things!
    Last edited by Kayleigh; 4 May 2019, 23:11.

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